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Waiting is not the same as standing still

The classic bicycle leaning against the lamppost was a sign that the small workshop was already open. Despite the unusual opening hours, in the early hours of the morning, with the stars still high in the sky, I was greeted with a sincere smile and a tight hug by the elegant cobbler, a lover of books and wines, who saw leather stitching as his craft and stitching ideas as art. Without delay, to accompany our conversation, two steaming mugs of fresh coffee were placed on the heavy wooden counter. I mentioned that it was time for me to slow down. I had already worked hard and faced numerous battles, within and outside of myself. I had achieved various victories; in some situations, only resignation remained, despite sincere attempts. I added that ‘”The warrior was thinking about putting away his weapons” Loureiro raised his lips in a slight smile and pondered, “The battle never ends. There is a moment the warrior’s needs refinement, when he becomes a monk. It’s the same struggle, but with different weapons.” He took a sip of coffee and said, “The warrior fights for victory; the monk builds it within himself.”

I said I didn’t understand. The cobbler used the Socratic method so that I could elaborate on the reasoning myself. He asked me, “What makes you believe it’s time to withdraw from the battles?” I confessed I was tired of trying to reach the hearts of some people and being prevented from entering. Some relatives and friends who had once been close had drifted away. I tried to rebuild bonds that had been broken without my understanding the reasons, but I was not allowed any reconciliation. All attempts had been rebuffed. This caused me discouragement and, I had to admit, a little sadness. Discouragement and sadness, after a brief and reasonable time for proper assimilation and understanding of the unpleasant event, when they persist, characterize symptoms of emotional imbalance. I confessed I did not understand why I could not process such experiences within myself. Loureiro wanted to know why I insisted on being where I was not welcomed: “Why the insistence and anguish to belong in someone else’s days?” I said that everyone is important, we cannot give up on anyone. The cobbler nodded and clarified,  “Undoubtedly, everyone is important. However, like any truth, it is necessary to adapt it to reality. Otherwise, it will not be a path of encounter and joy, but of loss and suffering.”

I asked him to explain further. Loureiro returned to the teaching method attributed to the Greek philosopher: “How do we behave when we arrive at someone’s house?” I said it was proper to ring the doorbell. The cobbler continued, “And if no one comes to open the door, would you break it down?” I said I could not commit such a violation. Loureiro asked, “If the resident, politely, comes to answer but claims to be busy to receive you, or, less carefully, says you are forbidden to enter; would it be right to force your entry?” Of course not, I exclaimed. It was the right of the resident to receive only those they pleased in their home.

The cobbler argued, “Everything that happens is for our good, even if we struggle to understand. There are several lessons in an episode like this.” He then asked, “What is the initial lesson?” I thought for a moment and affirmed that it was to pay attention to the other side of the story, to be attentive to those who knock on the door of our heart. Although caution should be exercised with some, everyone should be received with kindness and sincerity. Loureiro nodded again and said, “Without realizing it, we often are the elitist hosts ourselves. With due respect and necessary precautions, not only care is needed, but also affection, because there should be space for everyone in our hearts.” He paused and recalled, “Even those who once refused to receive us. It is essential to offer the other cheek. The face of light, which those who have long been in darkness do not know or have not grown unaccustomed to.” His gaze wandered to a distant memory and he added, “There is much light in the purity of welcoming a troubled soul; a simple gesture capable of changing the world.'”

I told Loureiro that I was tired of suffering because so many doors had been closed to me throughout my existence. “I confess, I suffer with this,” I confided. The cobbler, with his usual firmness, did not allow me to make a drama out of this, and returned to his questioning: “What is the cause of such emotional dependence?” I admitted I had never seen it from that angle. He clarified: “At some point, essential love was lacking for you. Thus, an unconscious need arose to fill this existential void. Perhaps a love you never had, or perhaps a love you always had access to, but upon losing it, did not know how to cope with its absence. However, feeling the absence does not necessarily mean understanding its importance, nor how to rebuild what has been ruined. Although all help is welcome, each person saves themselves; no one else can rebuild us. When we do not understand this process, we will seek in the world the piece that is missing in us. We will never find it.” Then, he called me to responsibility: “However, that part is the art that falls to us; each person holds the power of their own reconstruction. No one else.”

I mentioned that this gap may have arisen during my parents’ divorce, when as a teenager I felt lonely and without the love that had previously been usual for me. From then on, I trivialized my emotional relationships by keeping them superficial in terms of feelings. Without any thought, purely by instinct, I believed it to be a safe way to protect myself from further losses. As I matured, I understood how much I had abandoned myself by not allowing other hearts to root themselves in mine. Love is the nectar of life. Fearful of suffering again, at the slightest difficulty in my relationships, I withdrew to explore wild territories. One after another. Without love, I ceased to belong anywhere; I did not even belong to myself. It was time for a change.

The cobbler furrowed his brow and pondered, “Perhaps the reason is another; it could be several. However, perhaps from there arose your need for belonging, which until properly understood and decoded will continue to manifest as emotional dependence, bringing much misunderstanding and suffering each time someone refuses to open the door for you.” He took a sip of coffee and argued, “I believe the time has come to encounter the lost chapters of your own history. These are the pages that tell us our regrets, speak of the mistakes admitted, although not always confessable. As long as these lines burn in the conscience, the heart remains disoriented. In the illusion of protecting itself, it will close.” He paused to emphasize, “Do not be deceived that a hardened heart is a symbol of strength. Every impenetrable heart is fragile, because it is fear that makes it so. Fear unbalances the conscience and weakens the will. Hence, the discouragement and sadness. Thus, the emotional dependence.”

He took another sip of coffee and returned to my story: “There have been numerous conquests, others not achieved. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s the phase of the warrior who, intrepid and willing, went in search of victory. Some were conquered, others were not, not necessarily due to incompetence, but due to the inefficacy of the method. Now is the time of the monk who, instead of seeking victory, will build it within himself. The monk carries in the pockets of his habit the keys of virtues such as patience, compassion, simplicity, and humility. With these, he will open intricate hearts; with these, he will create an atmosphere of harmony within himself that will reflect in all his relationships. Virtues bear the sign of lightness. Gentleness is more powerful than rigidity; it has the ability to reach hearts that were previously impenetrable. Including yours. There is much more power and efficacy in gentleness than in rigour or hardness. The monk is the refinement of the warrior.”

Loureiro continued with his explanation: “The monk offers his best and knows how to wait. He does not grieve over refusals, does not become discouraged by delays, nor is he offended by rudeness. He imposes nothing and demands nothing. Respect is an indispensable tool of love.” He paused to give me time to absorb his ideas and then continued, “Once he knows his own shadows, he recognizes in others the difficulties in dealing with theirs, many of which remain unrecognized. He remains steadfast in his purpose; the storms of the world do not shake him. With the pillars of love rooted in his heart and the roots of truth deepened in his consciousness, he remains steadfast and serene in the face of life’s inevitable storms. He does not desire them, but he is enchanted by the progress they bring. He knows that dignity, peace, happiness, love, and freedom are the only possible victories; bringing joy to other hearts is his greatest pleasure.”

The cobbler was inspired: “The monk remains open to transformations, both his own and those of the world, and moves forward. He does not impose himself on anyone, nor does he force anyone to follow him. Even with all his lightness, he will be prevented from entering many hearts that are still unprepared to receive or too cluttered to accommodate different understandings. Differences often makes us uncomfortable because they show us what we do not wish to see. We avoid looking where beauty does not exist. This is true for everyone. We shut the door on those who might remind us of something we prefer to leave untouched. We avoid it because it causes us pain; we suffer because we do not understand.”

He paused before continuing: “The monk does not take offense at rejection; he knows how to wait. However, waiting is not standing still. By remaining in motion, he will be welcomed by many other hearts; some will find the charm of the unexpected, others the opportunity for unimaginable learning. In all of them, even those that previously rejected him, by approaching them with humility, simplicity, and compassion, there will be achievements. Humility to acknowledge his own difficulties, simplicity to dispel all misconceptions, and compassion to understand the difficulties of others. Virtues are beautiful ways of loving. While the warrior only sees victory in conquering hearts, the monk perceives the importance of expressed love, regardless of its form. There is a specific type of love for every situation experienced. Until we understand the thousand ways to love, there will remain something unknown within us. Therefore, wasted. An imponderable wealth, an unrecognized beauty.”

I asked the elegant cobbler, dressed in finely tailored black trousers and a white linen shirt with sleeves rolled above the elbow to avoid hindering his work, what to do if those hearts persist in excluding me. He continued with his art: “That is the main difference between the monk and the warrior. For the warrior, it is the outcome of the battle that defines victory or defeat, for the monk, conquest is achieved when he offers his best. Nothing more. Because he knows that no outcome depends solely on him, but on factors beyond his control, which he will never command. If the expected result comes, it will be wonderful. If not, it will be wonderful as well; he offered the best of his heart, like a gardener of light, tireless and always serene, sowing the deserts of the world. The good and pure seed is never lost. It only awaits the rainy season; the soil will become fertile. Then, a garden will bloom. Do not forget that sometimes, the rain takes a long time to arrive.”

Loureiro continued: “Living for the anticipation of results makes our days heavy. Living for the joy of manifested love grants us the lightness of life.”

I asked him to elaborate on how that theory applied to my situation. Loureiro clarified, “There is victory when one heart dedicates itself to another. This love manifests in numerous ways, whether in the joy of living together under a common purpose or in the compassion of sincerely understanding the difficulties of those not yet prepared for such an encounter. Patience is required to accept each person’s timing. We know nothing about the ghosts and shadows that dwell deep within anyone’s heart. When we refuse to understand, our light dims. Then, dense emotions surface, reason becomes obstructed. There will be imbalance and discouragement.” He ran his hand through his white hair and said, “Achieving self-knowledge’s completeness, crucial for evolutionary cycles, requires integrating all existing types of love and virtues within oneself. For the full flourishing of a strong and balanced consciousness, a fertile ground is necessary where the best ideas will bear fruits that nourish humanity in its spiritual feasts. This becomes possible only through a tranquil, pure, and joyful heart.”

I mentioned that what he proposed wasn’t easy. Loureiro agreed, “Of course not. Celebrating love when two hearts dance to the same symphony, though wonderful, requires no special talents; everyone is enchanted, willing, and capable. It’s the quest of warriors. Devoting love without pain upon seeing another heart’s door closed is a task destined for monks. Understanding others’ difficulties, accepting wills different from ours, are some aspects of the art of dismantling suffering and ending dependencies; thus, never fearing rejection or abandonment again. Everyone has themselves. There will always be hearts willing to receive us in celebration; we just need to learn to find them.” He furrowed his brows, a sign of increased seriousness, and concluded, “Though difficult, it is necessary. Otherwise, we will remain fragile, disoriented, and unbalanced; unable to move forward.”

I asked if we should wait for closed doors to open. Loureiro clarified, “Having patience is the art of waiting. However, waiting does not mean standing still. By remaining stagnant due to others’ denials, I imprison myself with choices that are not mine. I suffer within the prison I allowed myself to enter. A suffering that only ends when I start moving again toward the light, evolution, and freedom. A movement that needs to happen from within; carried out by the soul to genuinely become manifested in the world.”

He emptied his coffee mug and said, “Waiting means being available to receive those who denied you shelter, at the moment they show readiness for change. For this, transformations in that heart are essential, which often no one can assist due to the lack of willingness to change. It remains insurmountable. Transformations can occur gently, simply, and swiftly, but the same changes can stretch indefinitely as long as bitterness, insensitivity, and misunderstanding persist. Therefore, do not let someone’s rejection prevent you from moving forward with your life, nor let it be a reason for your own heart to lock itself away. Love exists in every curve of the Path, even where enormous walls rise; just keep your heart open so your eyes can find the hidden love. In it lies the passage through which you will move forward. Proceed calmly and joyfully, even if no one wants to accompany you. Those guided by a loving heart know where they are headed. Nothing will be lacking.”

I asked if that wouldn’t be equivalent to abandoning someone. Loureiro explained: “No one abandons those who refuse to improve. We must respect everyone’s choice. There’s no love without respect, and no learning without willingness. Certainly, their stubbornness shouldn’t cause suffering to anyone else.”

I inquired how I could reconnect with those who chose to stay still if I moved forward. The shoemaker explained: “Time and space are complex matters. As mathematicians and Buddhists teach us, parallel lines and souls meet in the infinite and the Infinite, with capital I.” Loureiro shrugged and added, “Each person defines the timing of their own journey. Not according to their desire, but their willingness to walk.”

Time and space. I glanced at the clock; it was time to head to the station, not too near yet not too far; the train never waits. I took the last sip of coffee from the mug and thanked Loureiro for the enlightening ideas he shared. Indeed, luminous ideas are like healing pills for vanishing sorrows; they function as keys to the prisons we create and are valuable tools for reconstruction. I felt there was still much to discuss with the elegant shoemaker about the transition from warrior to monk. It was clear that the achievements I sought, though valid, were different from those I needed to learn to build within myself. I needed to expand my knowledge and deepen this experience. I left with a desire to stay. It’s wonderful when that happens. It means we have good reasons to return.

Translated by Cazmilian Zórdic.

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