The monastery was still asleep when I went to the refectory in search of a mug of coffee. Sitting at the last table, which offered a view of the mountains through its windows, the Elder, as we affectionately called the eldest monk in the Order, was relishing a slice of oatmeal cake while admiring the charming palette of colours offered by the sky at dawn. He smiled when he saw me and gestured for me to sit beside him. Before joining him, I grabbed a mug of coffee to help stir my still sluggish thoughts at that hour. We had been at the monastery for a week; it was a study period that promised much. The lessons, lectures, and debates offered numerous tools that proved extremely valuable because of their practical application in daily life. Exercises for a good life, as I called the homework left by the teachings offered within the Order. That morning, we were going to attend a lecture given by the Elder. I asked what the topic would be. “Organize the drawers. Then, rewrite it all,” he replied in his soft, gentle voice. I smiled. I knew I shouldn’t interpret the title literally, but I was curious to see how he would use the analogy to explain something that, because of its immense simplicity, we found difficult to understand the utility and value of.
As we are accustomed to the embellishments and adornments used in everything, we fail to see the genuine beauty in all people and situations. This is the riddle of simple things. I commented on this. He curled his lips into a smile and surprised me: “It’s not an analogy at all. I want to talk about how we insist on living the draft of who we are, indefinitely postponing the final artwork.” I remarked that evolution was constant and infinite, meaning we would never be fully ready. The wise monk pondered: “Yes, that’s true, but also, it isn’t. With each cycle of learning, it is necessary to complete the final art of that specific transformation, allowing the knowledge acquired to be applied in practice. Only then can we move forward. While we live the draft of who we are, without completing the learning phase, transmutation, and subsequent application in life, there will be no progress.” He took a sip of coffee and explained: “I know, but I am not; this is the draft. I can be what I know; it’s the final artwork. Only then will we be able to reach new thresholds.”
He paused briefly before continuing to talk about the lecture: “I will also address how, before rewriting it all in a better way, it’s necessary to tidy the drawers.” Without my needing to ask, he explained: “We live in constant conflict because we don’t allow ourselves the time to tidy up the mess of thoughts and emotions and put them in their proper places. The mind and the heart are like two valuable files, fundamental sources of power and wealth. Power resides in the mind, and all wealth is found in the heart.”
He took another sip of coffee before continuing: “There is a drawer for each idea and emotion to be properly arranged within us. When they’re disorganised, the contents get lost or forgotten; love and wisdom are wasted. Depending on the disorder, the drawers may not even close, leading to symptoms ranging from discomfort to imbalance. This is one of the main factors that prevent us from transforming the draft into the final artwork. What is poorly arranged remains unfinished.”
Before I could disagree, we were interrupted by the entrance of Javier, a friendly monk from Barcelona. He was a cheerful and unconventional person, a true representative of the city he came from. We hadn’t yet met him, as due to personal issues, he had only arrived at the monastery the previous night. To our surprise, he had deep dark circles from a night of poor sleep. He murmured that he needed to talk, and I pulled up a chair for him to sit with us. Without any questions, Javier began to explain that his life had been turned upside down. About two years ago, he had taken a sharp turn in his life. In love with a young aspiring actress almost twenty years younger than him, he had ended a marriage that had been nearly as old as the woman. Immediately after, he had quit a job at a company in the shipbuilding industry, where he had worked since his university internship, to start a small vegan cosmetics factory with his girlfriend. The initial period was one of great euphoria, as their plans projected a promising future for the business, believing they were ahead of a trend that had yet to be adopted by traditional brands in the market. Since they were ahead of the curve, they believed they would secure a comfortable position with consumers. Fortune smiled on him in love and business.
However, the projections proved to be wrong. Sales did not take off as expected. Perhaps vegan cosmetics had hit the shelves before people became interested in this type of feature in products. A mistake displaced to others, such as ineffective marketing and lack of working capital. With weak demand, Javier’s personal savings were quickly running out. Debts began to pile up, and the days grew heavy with worry. Like a skilled chess player, bankruptcy cornered him into an inevitable checkmate. Just two weeks ago, the young woman abruptly ended the relationship. She had fallen in love with the actor who was to play Romeo in the play she would be performing as Juliet. “I hate Shakespeare,” Javier made a bitter joke about his own suffering. He then said he hated the person he had become. The Elder raised an eyebrow. It was no joke.
Javier needed solace; a way to offer someone a comfortable space within us so they could begin the process of regeneration. Just as a seed needs fertile soil to germinate. Feeling that others care about us is akin to feeling loved, especially in times when life seems unbearably harsh. The next step is understanding that we all have intrinsic capacities to create unexpected paths, generating the strength and balance necessary to rebuild who we are. Only when we walk on our own two feet do we advance; everything else is the light of others helping us escape the darkness caused by the destruction of who we were, showing us that there are always hidden passages, even within huge, solid walls, apparently impassable to hasty and unprepared eyes. Understanding this inner movement is essential for regeneration; a fantastic way to become the creature of your best creation. Regeneration is about finding the lost fragments, healing wounds, becoming whole again, and moving forward in an improved version of who we were. Regeneration is rebirth in oneself.
The phenomenon of physical death is inexorable. However, there are situations so complicated that they can lead to existential death. This occurs when we don’t find the strength and balance to be reborn from the ruins of our days. We are overtaken by the absurd and harmful feeling that life is not worth living. Believing in these thoughts and letting the dense emotions that accompany them take control means losing oneself. The inner light goes out; there is no greater defeat. In such cases, even if the physical body is still alive, the soul drags itself in tatters. Such situations are equivalent to death. However, it never means the battle is lost. It is always possible to regenerate if there is will, courage, and self-love. Will drives us to action; courage makes us bigger than our difficulties; self-love is a form of self-knowledge in which we learn to delight in the virtues we already possess while accepting the shadows that still dominate us, but with the firm intention of illuminating them so that they can transform into unexpected virtues to be added to the toolbox of a good life.
Javier spoke without interruption. At the end, he said that his life had become a chaos. With the sweetness typical of those who know the complicated twists and turns of the labyrinths of the mind and heart, and his voice laced with sincere compassion, the Elder prophesied: “Chaos is for the good.” He took a sip of coffee before continuing: “However, to benefit from a crisis, suffering, or damage of any kind, it is necessary to tidy the drawers. Then, rewrite the draft.”
I went to get more coffee. I explained that I needed to keep my neurons fully alert. There was knowledge available in this conversation that I was not willing to lose. They laughed and asked me to bring coffee for everyone. I returned with three steaming mugs. The Elder continued: “However, chaos does not automatically transform anyone. Nor does it happen overnight. Extracting love and wisdom from chaos is a rite of passage to another stage of understanding, which will reflect in a new way of being and living. To know oneself and transform oneself. Thus, we return from the depths of where we were to emerge to the surface of life. What leads us in this ascent is the light we sought in the very core of who we are. This is the magical sword of true heroes; this is the story of every person. My light is my Excalibur!”
The Elder curled his lips into a smile, as though enjoying the metaphor he had used, and argued: “All swords are hidden in the depths of a haunted castle, inhabited by our fears and sufferings. When we refuse to go seek the sword, chaos leads us there. To conquer oneself is the essential work of life.”
He paused for a few moments and then asked us, “What do you understand by responsibility?” We fell silent. We had never reflected on the meaning and scope of that word. The Elder replied: “Accepting responsibility defines the extent and depth that each person establishes for their life, that is, the reach of the wisdom and love with which we choose to cross existence.” He furrowed his brows and clarified: “Of course, we have the right to refuse any or all of them. However, a life without responsibility makes the days empty; a bad story to read.”
The Barcelona monk asked how to escape chaos. The Elder clarified: “Only those who find the sacred sword return. In other words, they light their own light.” He shook his head to emphasize: “There is no other way.”
The Elder continued: “Decipher the chaos. Then, you will have it as your master.” He smiled and murmured as if talking to himself: “Many search for masters in initiatory schools, temples, monasteries, and other fraternities and congregations. In these places, one has access to invaluable knowledge. You can talk to many wise people, but there will be no master. Masters await us in chaos. They will teach us how to tidy the drawers, both the ones in the mind and the ones in the heart. Including the drawers we avoid opening, in an attempt to not deal with so many bothersome things. Only then will we be able to rewrite the draft; correct the mistakes to finish the final artwork of that existential cycle.”
He added: “Understanding mistakes, admitting errors, changing aspects that don’t work well inside us, adjusting ideas, and cleaning up emotions is equivalent to rewriting the draft of the current existential cycle. One must have the maturity to accept that chaos is the logical consequence of choices previously made. Each individual is the provocateur of the situations they live. Forgiving the world and forgiving oneself; an exercise that transforms losses into gains. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of evolution; an indisputable element for living love in its greatest extent. It is a portal to rebirth from our own ruins.”
The good monk made a point of reminding us: “One must have humility to set aside the shame of dealing with one’s own mistakes and simplicity to strip off the masks we wear to be someone we’re not. Do not be ashamed. Remember, only the proud and vain feel ashamed of their mistakes, due to the fictitious image of superiority they wish to sell, either to the world or to themselves. There is no greater source of imbalance.” He paused briefly and continued: “Take advantage of the chaos to conquer these respectable virtues. In the haunted castle, before reaching the room where the sacred sword awaits you, you must pass through the room of mirrors. For this, it is essential to carefully examine the exact image reflected. It is impossible if the soul is not stripped bare, without any embellishment or adornment. A mirror that shows only the truth, nothing but the truth, is necessary. Truth is the root of all transformations. Everything else is discourse that charms with beautiful words but proves empty in utility.”
Javier interrupted to say that he felt deceived by the woman, as she had confessed to being in love with him. She had invited him to build a new lifestyle together, full of love and partnership. This led him to divorce his first wife and quit his job in the shipbuilding company, to which he had dedicated all his adult life. When the cosmetics factory collapsed, she didn’t want to face the financial difficulties with him. She decided to leave with a new boyfriend. “She destroyed my life,” he said, tears in his eyes.
Although there was sweetness in his voice, the Elder intervened with the firmness required: “Do not make another mistake. This line of thinking takes you further from your sacred sword. Remember, you will only light your own light if you face your own shadows. For this, you must treat them with love and wisdom. There is no other way.” Javier said he needed help, as he was struggling to understand. The mercy of the good monk was admirable: “Do not treat anyone as an enemy. Blaming others for our losses is to deny the responsibility that belongs to us. Fighting against others is the most common way to avoid facing oneself and stray from the Path. The light goes out, and then the loss becomes real.” He then explained: “Entering into disputes with others, treating those who have displeased us as adversaries, might be the most common mistake. We are conditioned to beat others. A mistake. This makes us fight the wrong battle.”
The Elder explained: “Conquering oneself, mastering oneself, and continuing the journey is the great victory. For this, have compassion for yourself and for all the people who may have harmed you in some way. We cannot demand from others the perfection we cannot offer ourselves. Most of the time, they don’t do it to hurt us, but because they think it’s what’s best for them, without the necessary awareness and sensitivity that others may be harmed. I repeat, compassion is an indispensable tool for liberation.” He took another sip of coffee before continuing: “Other times, some people make choices that go against our wishes. Remember, everyone has the right to do so; no one is on this planet merely to please us.” He waited a moment for Javier to process this and added: “As for those who deliberately do evil, forgive them so that you can be free of them. Disastrous experiences should become sources of valuable lessons, never a cruel emotional prison. As long as there is bitterness, there will be a harmful desire for revenge. The days will be harsh. And then, without realising it, we end up choosing the prison where we will live.”
The good monk continued, teaching didactically: “Risks are inherent in business and life. Having serenity to deal with setbacks reveals maturity, a virtue of those who are already capable of handling the undesirable consequences of their own choices. The young woman left; she had the right to do so. Remember, you made the same choice when you ended your first marriage. What matters now is to evaluate the decisions you’ve made recently and what the true motivations behind each one of them were. How much of it was virtues and how much was shadows in each move? Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes, but do so with joy and lightness. True victory lies in lighting or keeping your own light on. Otherwise, the darkness you’ve created around you will prevent you from moving forward.”
He then suggested: “Open the drawers. It’s something simple to understand, but not necessarily easy to do. You’ll find many things that will bring great discomfort. Don’t be frightened; that’s the purpose. Start by identifying everything that no longer serves you or that makes you feel bad. You will find outdated ideas and harmful emotions that, as long as they stay in the drawer, will prevent there from being space for a new way of thinking and loving. Get rid of all that junk.”
The teachings continued: “Then, look for the forgotten tools at the bottom of the drawers. There’s a lot of valuable things that, for various reasons, we’ve stopped using. More often than not, there’s more love and wisdom hidden within us than we realise. These treasures are buried beneath so much frustration and hurt that we no longer remember we have them available. Start by being kind to everyone. A virtue that has the enchanting power to change energy frequencies, enveloping us in a pleasant atmosphere of well-being. Then, seek out other virtues. You will find them as you rummage through the drawers. Some were never used, others were forgotten. Virtues are true sources of light; there’s no better time to use them.” The first rays of morning sun broke through the windows. The Elder arched his lips in a smile and said, “Show the other face of yourself to yourself. The face of light. Then, the dormant master within you will awaken.”
The lesson continued: “After removing from the drawers what no longer serves you, put in the things that never entered because there was no space. These are the infinitely postponed priorities. This may mean picking up old projects, spending more time with loved ones, and adding new virtues to your new way of being and living, as if you’re taking your soul to the gym. Remember, each virtue has the power to dissolve one or more shadows. This is how we light our own light; each person conquers themselves or, if you prefer, finds the sacred sword. When we return from the haunted castle, we will be different and better people. Stronger and more balanced; wiser and more loving. Reality will change without us needing to demand anything from anyone or face any enemies. In truth, they don’t exist. When we understand the power we have to rescue our own life without needing to defeat any adversaries, and that everything is us with ourselves, that there is no dependence on others’ behaviour or reactions to access the sweetness of life, we come face to face with lightness and freedom.”
He shrugged and said, “The contents of the drawers, just like the way they’re arranged, define the elegance and resilience of the person who uses them.” He winked as though sharing a secret and revealed, “Messy drawers hold junk and hide treasures. Disorganised drawers won’t close; they get stuck. We lose the ability to move. We stumble.”
He emptied his coffee cup, excused himself, and said he needed to prepare for the lecture. We watched that frail body move away in slow steps, yet with incredible firmness. We stayed silent for a while until Javier said he would spend the day reflecting on everything that had been discussed. He was going to walk the various trails in the mountains surrounding the monastery. And that’s what he did all week. In the mornings, after breakfast, instead of attending classes, debates, or lectures, he walked through the mountains. I asked the Elder if he had noticed. The good monk nodded and said, “There’s already too much content in Javier’s drawers waiting to be arranged. He’s already able to separate the trash from the diamonds. He just needs silence and stillness to find himself. Once he’s finished, he will have cleared it all up. He will return triumphant, bringing his sacred sword. He will have been reborn through his own light.”
After the seventh day, Javier invited me to walk with him that morning. I accepted the invitation immediately. We walked in silence for a long time until we reached a spot that, due to its privileged position, served as a lookout, offering an indescribable view. There, he decided to speak: “Only now, separated from the thoughts and emotions that made me believe I had been wronged when, in fact, I lacked the maturity to accept the undesirable consequences that can arise from the choices we have to make, as they are exercises inherent to the evolutionary process, did I understand the richness of the chaos I got involved in. It all starts with a marriage and a job that no longer made my days bright. Both had completed their cycles. However, I didn’t have the courage to simply admit it and change course. When we don’t want to walk, life pushes us so there’s no stagnation. The young woman I fell in love with was an important piece in making the gears of inevitable and constant transformations start turning again. Due to a lack of perception and sensitivity at that moment, I romanticised the situation, wrongly transferring my happiness to the success of the company or the romance. Wrong target. Happiness is linked to evolution; to noticing how far we’ve come and rejoicing in what lies ahead. Becoming a different and better person is the root of the purest happiness. This makes that state of fulfilment possible every day until the end of time. And beyond it.”
With his gaze wandering over the beautiful landscape, he continued: “There was no mistake in ending the marriage or quitting the job. The mistake was building those decisions on the foundation of a romance that couldn’t be sustained. One should never confuse passion with love; the former doesn’t have the strength and balance of the latter. No one lives well without love. However, by finding the self-love I had forgotten within me, I recovered the joy of my days. There is no harm that can reach someone who lights their steps with their own light.”
I asked him how he would proceed from there. Javier answered with the firmness typical of those who have been reborn within themselves: “Everything that happens is for our good. By understanding this, we become capable of turning losses into gains. From the shadows, virtues emerge. Everything becomes light.” He looked at me and said, “I will offer the experience I gained at my vegan cosmetics factory to anyone who wants to take advantage of it. Since it’s a behavioural trend that companies in the sector will need to adopt without delay, I believe one of the big brands on the market will understand the value of the knowledge I can provide. I have no doubt I will be useful. When well utilised, failure is the architect of victory.” I wanted to know about future romances. Javier didn’t hesitate: “There will always be someone looking for what we are searching for. As long as there is complicity, sincerity, and simplicity. Nothing disrupts a relationship more than distance, deceit, and embellishments.”
It was late afternoon, as if only moments had passed. Javier was skipping along the trail back to the monastery. He was back to life. And this time, he carried with him the sacred sword. His light was undeniably intense.
As if he knew, the Elder was waiting for us at the gate. A beautiful smile on his face confirmed that Javier had sorted out his drawers. Not only that, but also cleaned up the draft of his existence up until that moment. The final draft of that cycle was complete. He was ready to begin the best part of his story.
Translated by Cazmilian Zórdic.
