The aroma of coffee announced a morning of pleasant conversation in Loureiro’s workshop, the cobbler who loved philosophy books and red wine, and who stitched together ideas and handbags with rare mastery. The dawn was ending the night in the charming little town of winding streets and narrow sidewalks paved with ancient stones. My friend greeted me with a sincere smile and a tight hug. Without delay, a steaming mug of fresh coffee was placed before me on the heavy wooden counter. As usual, Loureiro dressed elegantly, but in his own style. His white linen shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows to avoid interfering with his work, paired with fine black tailored trousers. The beautiful black leather shoes were of his own making. His thick, dishevelled white hair added a touch of rebellion and charm. I mentioned a cousin of mine who was struggling to overcome the grief of losing a son to the Highlands. He seemed sadder and more downcast each day, unable to think about anything else, as though imprisoned by the limits of a single idea, and worse, a narrow one, by refusing to allow for other layers of interpretation, always possible, regarding any event. Whatever it may be. The cobbler nodded in agreement and said: “It’s not about belittling the pain, but about refining the feeling so that it no longer manifests as suffering. Thoughts act as regulators of feelings; if an idea brings us anguish and discomfort, it means we’re not processing the experience in the best way; we urgently need to deconstruct it so we aren’t left demolished. There’s always a perspective that can bring clarity and restore peace. When emotion gains enough power to drag reason into the abyss of existence, allowing nonconformity to install a dark empire, life becomes a succession of dull and flavourless days, offering no escape. Nights grow longer and days shrink. We seem trapped in the wheel of always-equal hours. Conflicted explosions or depressive implosions are the inevitable effects caused by self-destructive movements. Inertia is the most common among them; many believe stagnation is merely the absence of movement. That’s partly true, but it’s not the whole picture. The insistence on repeating movements driven by the same idea, one that has already proven ineffective, reveals disguised stagnation. The person moves, but doesn’t get anywhere. Worse, they often end up sinking.”
He sipped his coffee and continued: “Understanding is the soil where good ideas bloom; on the other hand, misunderstanding represses, distorts, and diminishes them. Similar to quicksand, when an idea is sown in the soil of misunderstanding, we are dragged into darkness, for they structure themselves as mental traps, convincing the individual of their inability to create a new reality. Nothing will seem good enough, no way out will seem reasonable. Even worse, it renders them powerless by making them believe they depend on others’ actions to escape the dark and sad place they’re in. These are the symptoms of victimhood. If internal misunderstandings are the architects of existential labyrinths, then dismantling the walls that prevent you from moving forward falls only to the one who built them. The common mistake is looking for the way out in other people or circumstances; the door of the labyrinth never opens outward. Superheroes save crowds from external villains; not a single one of these fantastic comic book characters, despite their incredible powers, has ever rescued a victim from their own misunderstanding. Not even in fiction is that possible. Even if it’s not always perceived, until the person frees themselves from the dependency caused by the idea that someone else, or some situation, is responsible for their suffering, they will have no control over their will and choices and, consequently, over their own life, having lost the ability to self-determine joyfully toward the light. Yes, evolution demands joy and pleasure, never sacrifice. Misunderstanding drains all action, like gravity acts on a stone, pulling it down even when thrown upward. Without awareness of its wings, no bird will be able to fly. Freedom is a fierce struggle fought in the core of one’s being, requiring boldness to rebuild the way of thinking, courage to face oneself without excuses, and an immeasurable dose of self-love. The exit from the labyrinth is an act of meeting oneself; the origin of true freedom,” he argued.
Then he added, “That’s why faith moves mountains.” I didn’t understand that last comment; it seemed completely out of place in the context. Before I could ask, we were surprised by the arrival of Renê, an old acquaintance, owner of the town’s bookstore. The deep dark circles under his eyes showed clear signs of distress. I had seen him in a bad state the previous year because of his divorce from Sofia, whom he had been married to for nearly forty years. He looked worse now. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was for the same reason. But it was. Contrary to the popular saying, time had not been a remedy for him. Time does not help those who insist on not learning how to heal. The wound had become even more painful. The bookseller himself used the word mourning to describe the feeling that was tormenting him. None of the support attempts from friends had produced any beneficial effect. After receiving a warm welcome from Loureiro, Renê returned to the subject that consumed all his hours. He revealed he was inconsolable. How could a marriage of so many decades end without any warning? He had never noticed any dissatisfaction on Sofia’s part. They had a peaceful, fight-free life; wonderful children and grandchildren; financial stability without major concerns. Nothing was lacking for her, he said. There was no reason for her to leave, he repeated the phrase a few times with tearful eyes. Loureiro reflected: “No relationship ends overnight. Absolutely none.” The bookseller interrupted to say that he and Sofia hadn’t fought in years. The cobbler explained: “While fights are the most visible and even the most common signs, they’re not the only ones, nor the most serious. Dissatisfaction prevents happiness. It causes fights when it explodes in revolt; it causes depression when it implodes into sadness.”
Renê asked why, if Sofia was dissatisfied, she hadn’t made that clear during the many years they were together. Loureiro clarified: “There are many reasons, and just one is enough for a breakup to happen. Misunderstanding oneself leads to dissatisfaction. I’m not just referring to marriage, but to any existential situation, professional, for instance, just to name one. There are many other areas.” He paused briefly before continuing: “Well-adjusted people, who already have a good understanding of who they are and are aware of their ability to walk on the luminous side of the path, can be happy despite difficult living conditions. Others feel deeply unhappy, and even though they have access to the most sophisticated consumer goods, they poison life with the fruits of their own misunderstanding.”
Renê cut in to ask whether therapy sessions or self-knowledge exercises wouldn’t be enough for his wife to resolve her misunderstandings without harming the marriage. The cobbler was categorical: “I know nothing about Sofia. Maybe she doesn’t even understand the full scope of her decision; on the other hand, we can’t rule out the possibility that she made a firm choice after gaining the clarity she previously lacked.” Restless, the bookseller interrupted again to say that if she didn’t understand the weight of her decision, she would soon regret it. Loureiro considered: “Intrinsic movements manifest as extrinsic actions.” Renê said he didn’t understand. The cobbler elaborated: “An unexpected way of being and living might surprise many around you, especially the inattentive, but make no mistake, the movements will be calm and firm for those who choose with clarity.”
The bookseller asked if Loureiro had implied that he had been a careless husband in his treatment of his wife. The shoemaker corrected him: “That’s not what I said. Neglecting means failing to care and be concerned; I’m sure that wasn’t the case. Inattention is not noticing the changes that reveal themselves subtly. Deep, evolutionary movements occur from the inside out, which is why we often take a long time to notice the transformation. Frequently, during the transition, there is more meaning in silence than in words; the subtext is as essential to a book as the narrative of its chapters. Few are able to hear the voice of silence or read unwritten words, but the message is available to all. The eyes see only appearances; only perception and sensitivity give us access to the essence of those around us. There are many situations where the face agrees and smiles because it doesn’t feel able to do otherwise, while the soul suffers without understanding the reason for the pain. However, when it does understand, a transformation begins. Once it completes, the change often has the impact of an avalanche, destroying the old ways and styles of living. Many around are surprised, except the one who has found themselves.”
Renê disagreed that that reasoning applied to his case. He declared himself attentive to his wife throughout all the years they were married. The shoemaker agreed: “Without a doubt. However, we care within the limits of our awareness. No doctor can treat a patient if they can’t diagnose the exact ailment affecting them.” The bookseller said he had done the best he could. Loureiro agreed again: “No one doubts that, and in it lies the foundation of the peace you deserve, but do not find, because you insist on seeking it in Sofia’s reactions instead of looking for it within yourself. You gave all you could, to the very limit of your truth. That is enough for peace. There are many reasons that can lead to the end of a relationship without needing to assign blame or responsibilities.” The bookseller said he struggled to understand Sofia’s reasons. Loureiro made an important philosophical distinction: “Trying to understand another person can become a long and painful prison. Every person is a vast universe of ideas and feelings, joys and sorrows, achievements and disappointments. Even living with oneself every hour of the day, a person finds it hard to fully discover who they are over the course of a lifetime. There is much presumption and irresponsibility, even vanity, in trying to understand someone who, though part of our life, only shows us a small fraction of the events that occur within another universe that has an atmosphere and functioning very different from our own and, therefore, is almost entirely unknown.” He shrugged and said gently: “Devote yourself to understanding yourself; there is a beautiful and essential work awaiting you. Simply respect the other person’s decision if you don’t understand or agree with their reasons. No one is responsible for you, except yourself. Even if the decision affects you emotionally or materially, remaining imprisoned will be your decision, never someone else’s. Freedom requires leaving behind everything that hinders the journey. What was, no longer is; simply accept it so you can start again. Just accept. That is enough. You will always have yourself to walk with.”
We stayed silent for a while. The bookseller needed time to process those ideas so they could become mechanisms of self-understanding, without which he wouldn’t be able to move forward, not knowing where to go. It was Renê who broke the silence by confessing something he had never told anyone. “Sofia said she didn’t love me anymore”, he admitted. He had never told anyone because he couldn’t bear the pain those words caused. Then, he broke down in tears. Loureiro got up, walked around the counter, and embraced his friend for a long moment. He said nothing, nor was it necessary. The embrace carried a sincere message of care, telling the bookseller he was not alone. There was someone willing to listen to him, in hopes that he himself would come to understand how he had built the labyrinth that was preventing him from moving forward. Though all help was welcome, only Renê could dismantle the walls that kept him trapped in an existential prison. Understanding has the power to deconstruct obstacles.
Renê asked what he should do with the love he still felt. Loureiro curled his lips into a beautiful smile and disarmed him: “Never lose it. All love is too precious.” The bookseller confessed that he had tried to feel anger toward Sofia as a way to expel the love he had for her. He admitted that the only result was becoming a bitter person, distrustful of good feelings. He didn’t want that for himself. The shoemaker explained: “To love requires wisdom to adapt the love to each situation without letting it drain away through the cracks of misunderstanding. There are many ways to make a bond. Find the best one for the love you hold; then, from pain will come joy. Find a way to love Sofia outside the strict context of marriage, but with all the richness that only love allows. Remember that with her you lived some of the most beautiful moments of your life; shared children and grandchildren also create bonds of love. By being grateful for that, you’ll feel love begin to grow again in your heart. A love different from before, but still love. Be kind when thinking of her, be kind in treating yourself; that movement will make you feel very good. As much as possible, build a beautiful friendship with Sofia, if in a sincere assessment you find reason to do so. Love was made to set us free, to open paths, to push us beyond who we are. We cannot remain confined to just a few models of loving when life offers us a thousand other possibilities. There’s no reason to restrict when you can expand. As long as you’re trapped in resentment, it means you haven’t yet understood love.”
He looked seriously at the bookseller and suggested: “Find the idea that suffocates you; then, tear it out of yourself.” Renê asked how he could do that. Loureiro replied: “Process your experiences with elements different from the ones you’ve used so far, otherwise, you won’t find liberating solutions. As long as the results bring discomfort, resentment, hurt, and similar feelings, it means the experiences haven’t been properly processed. Use respect, gratitude, compassion, or forgiveness, depending on the case. When you can recall the events without any suffering, when the memories are no longer bitter, not occupying your mind and torturing you all day, every day, then you’ll have gained a little more power over yourself. That translates to peace, happiness, dignity, and self-love.” He furrowed his brow and concluded: “Believe me, this movement will be necessary not just now, but in many other situations throughout your life. Suffering is the typical torment of those still imprisoned by their own misunderstandings. A journey of inward discovery, encounter, and conquest of true freedom is necessary. No one will be truly free until they take it.”
The bookseller fell silent again. Those words led him to reflect. After a few minutes, he said he understood that he needed to move on with his life, but it felt as if there were a huge stone preventing him from going forward. With a radiant smile, Loureiro remarked, “The stone on the path is the path.” Renê said he didn’t understand. To my surprise, the shoemaker once again quoted the same passage from Scripture: “Faith moves mountains.” The bookseller said he was even more confused. I had to agree.
The shoemaker explained, “There is no stone greater than a mountain. The famous expression refers to great existential obstacles. Only faith is capable of removing them.” Renê said he didn’t align with any religion. Loureiro noted, “That doesn’t stop you from using faith as a tool for building.” The bookseller said he didn’t want to be rude or belittle the importance of churches and prayers, but admitted he didn’t feel comfortable with those practices, though he respected those who did. The shoemaker clarified, “Prayer doesn’t need to be tied to religion. Nor does faith. Prayer is important because it connects us to the subtler planes of existence and thus strengthens our will, in addition to helping us see what we haven’t yet been able to perceive. If you are an atheist, understand prayer as an intimate conversation with yourself. The result will be the same. The sacred resides within us.” He took another sip of coffee and differentiated: “Prayer is connection; faith is action. To have faith means to move the sacred within us. Understand as sacred everything that makes us evolve, that helps us become better people. One of the signs of personal growth is the ability to unravel misunderstandings. There are no other stones.” He emptied his mug and reasoned, “If from a basic perspective, stones appear as obstacles, through a refined lens they present themselves as incredible opportunities for learning and transformation. They are masterful teachers because they lead us to sow unknown gifts, to germinate dormant potential, and to blossom hidden virtues. Then, the stones cease to be obstacles and become a path of evolution. Be grateful for the mountains. Faith is every action initiated by courageous and sincere inner movements that will express themselves in lightness and gentleness, strength and balance in our way of being and living.”
Renê wanted to know if all that power was really within him. The shoemaker nodded and concluded, “We’ve been conditioned to search for the powers of the world, forgetting where the true treasure is hidden. Everyone wants to see the beauties of Paris, Beijing, and New York without realizing the wonders that exist in the soul. They know everything, yet understand nothing because they do not know themselves. So, they see stones where there is a path.”
The bookseller wiped away his tears, emptied his coffee mug, looked at his wristwatch, and invited us to have lunch at a nearby restaurant. That conversation had filled the whole morning. Renê wanted to celebrate. I asked why. “The stones,” he murmured, as if speaking to himself. He suggested we swap the coffee for a good bottle of red wine. It was a joyful and unforgettable lunch.
Translated by: Cazmilian Zórdic
