The pleasant aroma of coffee mixed with that of leather in Loureiro’s workshop, the shoemaker who loved wine and books, and who stitched ideas with the same mastery with which he crafted bags and shoes. After a sincere welcome hug, we sat at the counter in front of two steaming mugs of freshly brewed coffee. The day was just beginning. I remarked how beautiful and charming I found that small town. What enchanted me the most were its narrow and winding streets. He smiled and pointed out: “Like some choices we make in delicate situations of our lives. Narrow because of the difficulties; winding because sometimes we have to change course to stay on track.” I fell silent to let him continue his reasoning. Loureiro understood my unspoken request and said: “There are moments when we realize that the roads we travel always lead us to the same places. We need to go beyond. Everyone does. Then, change becomes necessary. When we deny it, we’re taken by the mold of the days. There are situations where, even though the path is right, what prevents us from moving forward is the way we’ve grown accustomed to walking. A way of moving that may have been useful until now, but to keep going, we’ll need to find a different way of walking. Understanding what transformations are necessary will always be up to the traveller. Clarity is essential. Otherwise, one will remain stuck in the insistence of their own misunderstandings.”
I said that the meaning of words was very important to me because it allowed me to better use the content they carry. I asked how the shoemaker interpreted concepts such as clarity and insistence. Before he could answer, we were interrupted by the arrival of Teresa, one of Loureiro’s nieces. I already knew her. She was a tall woman, with long black hair, a posture and tone of voice of someone who from an early age had taken autonomy over her own life, making decisions and taking responsibility for her actions and feelings. However, that early morning, her eyes were swollen from crying, and she showed dark circles from a sleepless night. It’s hard to be strong all the time. Once seated next to us at the counter, with a mug of coffee in hand, she was ready to start the necessary battle awaiting her within. Teresa had married Gustavo very young after they finished college. In the first year of marriage, she became the mother of Cláudio, a beautiful and mischievous boy. Five years later, she received an offer she considered irresistible, both financially and professionally. She would not only receive a much higher salary but also have the chance to climb important steps in her career. She had not only dreamed of this moment but had prepared for it. She was ready, and the time had come. However, Gustavo refused to follow her. He liked the small town they lived in, with a routine very different from the metropolis where they would have to live. He had a small business he didn’t want to leave. Faced with the impasse, they opted for a middle-ground solution. Teresa would accept the offer, while Gustavo would stay. For the time being, Cláudio, still very young, would stay with his father. They agreed that until he reached adolescence, when it would be beneficial to attend better schools, living in a peaceful place would play an important role in shaping his personality. The family would meet on weekends since the distance between the cities was a little over a three-hour drive. At first, everything went well. But as the months passed, their meetings grew less frequent. The reasons, or excuses, were many. Complaints and dissatisfaction from both sides erupted. Gustavo’s family intensified their criticisms of Teresa’s behaviour and choices, escalating the conflict. To make matters worse, some of Teresa’s relatives, with whom her relationship had never been the best, added to the tense and unfavourable atmosphere by judging what was not theirs to judge, lacking competence, authority, or right. A year later, Gustavo became emotionally involved with another woman and filed for divorce. They fought for custody of their son. Since Cláudio already lived with his father, the court decided he would remain with him.
Feeling isolated, Teresa suffered greatly because, although living in another city, she had always had the freedom to be with her son whenever she wanted. That freedom was now limited to the dates established by the court. The fights intensified. Demeaning comments about the mother’s behaviour were made in front of the still very immature boy. According to Teresa, the boy grew up shaped by the opinions of the adults around him, which contaminated his emotional memories. Cláudio believed he had been abandoned by his mother, who had chosen to pursue her career rather than stay with him. What appeared on the surface did not truly reflect Teresa’s feelings when she made her decision. Facts are not just facts; they require context, circumstances, and interpretation, for intentions and feelings do not always rise to the surface before the eyes of a naïve crowd eager to judge and condemn under any pretext and opportunity. Teresa’s relationship with Gustavo’s entire family, and part of her own, became even more difficult. No one seemed capable of dealing with conflicting and not always sensible interests in the face of the tense emotions erupting at every moment. Everyone felt entitled to give their opinion, even without being asked. The boy grew up burning in this bonfire of insensitivities. Teresa was crushed and found herself isolated in the struggle not to lose the affection of the son she loved so much. Being a determined woman in her purposes and unwilling to give up on love as an essential value of life, she continued the fight. When her son reached adolescence and she believed he would be able to reconsider the past, nothing changed. Cláudio refused to live with his mother or attend better schools as planned; he chose to stay with his father, whom he saw as a hero for raising and educating him. Another ten years passed with fruitless attempts and frequent setbacks. Cláudio became a handsome, cheerful, intelligent, and communicative young adult. Since there was no university in his city, he never graduated. Cláudio supported himself with the allowance his mother still sent monthly, even though she was no longer obligated to do so. He routinely postponed his professional projects. Every attempt Teresa made to get closer to her son was blocked by a wall he erected, as if a deeper relationship with his mother was forbidden. At times, he seemed to love his mother; at other times, he rejected her without apparent reason. On the few occasions they were together, they talked about many things, got along well, and laughed a lot; but at other times, despite her invitations and offers to grow closer, he refused to take the next step. After making arrangements with Cláudio, Teresa managed to get him an excellent job at her company, especially for someone without formal education or professional experience. Allowing himself new experiences would give the young man a chance to better know himself, develop his personality, acquire responsibility and autonomy, and also get closer to his mother and dispel the distorted image he had always had of her. Intimacy brings out one’s essence, and for this reason, love flourishes and perfects itself through close relationships. Despite their agreement, the young man didn’t show up for work on the scheduled day. Nor did he give any explanation. She confessed she no longer knew what to do to improve the relationship and get closer to her son. Perhaps she had to finally admit that she had lost the battle. Definitively.
Loureiro furrowed his brows, as if signalling that he was about to raise the seriousness of the conversation, and warned: “Only those who lose themselves by allowing the disorder of events to dim their light truly lose the battle.” Teresa admitted she felt incapable of facing so many enemies in the form of family members who, disliking her, fed unhealthy ideas and feelings into her son. The difficulty was heightened by the fact that Cláudio loved and admired these people. She declared that she was facing a hopeless battle. The shoemaker corrected her: “This is where the fundamental error lies; if not understood and corrected, it will prevent the building of a new and different relationship with your son.” He paused to emphasize the words to come and reminded her: “Your battle is not against anyone else, whether relative or not; nor against your son, despite his withdrawn, confused, and wavering behaviour. It’s about you with yourself. The fight is waged within you. That’s all.” Teresa became irritated, as if feeling misunderstood, and argued how much all these people disrupted her relationship with her son. Loureiro shrugged and remarked: “Fortunately.” His niece’s eyes widened in indignation. The shoemaker rushed to explain: “Anyone who believes that each obstacle, no matter how complicated, is a battle defined by victories when others yield to their will, or by defeats when they don’t, is still far from understanding the theorem of life. No one defeats anyone. Each person overcomes themselves. Otherwise, they will never know any victory.” Teresa argued that if there weren’t so many people interfering, everything would be easier. Her uncle smiled and countered: “Life is not meant to be easy. It’s an existential test, and as such, it must be difficult. Otherwise, you would never refine your perspective, discover new viewpoints, find unexpected possibilities, explore inner paths, and gain more of who you can become. Nothing else leads to evolution. Love is not simply about loving. Love has degrees of breadth and depth. The greater wisdom lies in learning to love more and better. No one achieves this without being shaken, challenged, and pushed to seek unimagined inner equations to better navigate life. Only then will you find the existential passages hidden among the obstacles of relationships and life’s events.” He paused again and added: “All these people who seem to prevent your relationship with Cláudio, although unaware and not intending it, are actually helping you find the paths and solutions you still haven’t discovered within yourself. Then, it will be enough to express yourself through a new and improved way of being and living. Their true role is not combative, but educational. They are essential to your mastery. Be grateful!”
Teresa shook her head in disbelief and, with a hint of irony, asked if she should bow to these people for interfering in her relationship with her son. Loureiro remained unfazed by the sarcasm and calmly and honestly replied: “Exactly.” Then he clarified: “Without their opposition, you would remain the same person, clinging to behavioural habits and vices that no longer help you move forward, missing the chance to improve and evolve. No one changes course while the winds are favourable. Understand life’s call inviting you to go beyond who you have become. Yes, be grateful for this opportunity, as well as for the responsibility given: life believes you are ready for this pivotal movement; otherwise, it would never call upon you for a journey knowing in advance that you wouldn’t complete it. Seize it!”
His niece brought up the difficulty caused by her son’s wavering behaviour; sometimes he was affectionate, other times he rejected her. She no longer knew what to do, if there was even anything left to be done after so much effort. At times, she thought of giving up. Loureiro corrected her: “It’s not about insisting, but persisting. Insistence is the fruit of stubbornness, a futile attempt to continue down a dead-end path. Persistence means never giving up in the face of difficulties, no matter how great. Only fools and senseless people give up on love. In different ways and degrees, love is life’s greatest challenge for all of us. Learning about love means changing the way you walk, a movement capable of paving even the roughest roads.” He paused and added: “Remember that the bigger the problem, the greater the merit in solving it.” He looked firmly into Teresa’s eyes and declared: “Only the most prepared travellers can face the crossing of great existential abysses.” He paused before repeating: “Be grateful and seize the opportunity.”
Loureiro continued: “Cláudio’s wavering behaviour stems from the internal conflict he lives. On one side, his love for his mother; on the other, a supposed emotional debt he believes he owes to people who do not sympathize with you. Any movement toward closeness is suddenly reversed by his unconscious when he hears a word or witnesses a gesture that triggers the emotional trap imprisoning him. Believe me, he suffers most from this situation.” Teresa listened carefully. The shoemaker explained: “You are facing a pivotal test. Little by little, life prepares us for such moments, equipping us with virtues and perspectives that make it possible to overcome who we once were. We have no control over any outcome that depends on others’ reactions, but we have absolute control over our actions. Therefore, true victory lies not in the expected outcome, but in virtuous action.” Distressed, his niece replied that she had no idea how to act. Loureiro calmed her: “The path taken so far has proven ineffective. It’s essential to find a new route to stay on course toward the desired encounter. A movement that, because you believe you don’t know it, you might search for in books, or seek in the advice of more experienced people. However, this answer will not be provided by anyone, nor will you find it anywhere. The solution awaits within you. Life wants you to learn to listen to and trust your inner voice. It is an immeasurable and accessible power, provided you can free yourself from the conditioning that taught you to look only in one direction and to insist on worn-out automatic reactions. It’s essential to rebuild good feelings from emotional rubble and regenerate the capacity to think through intense inner dialogue. Only then will you be able to reframe your experiences through lenses and filters never before used, and thus reinvent a new way of moving through life. Who you are brought you this far, but won’t take you further. That is the hidden message in all existential abysses. Change is necessary. The signs are clear. To transform is to build inner bridges that will lead you to unknown places and treasures. All within you. Otherwise, you will remain on the sidelines of your own life. The time has come to conquer new inner territories and better know the power of your light.”
Teresa said those words were very beautiful, but they didn’t help her find any solution. Loureiro seemed to expect this reaction and explained: “Knowledge serves as a map for self-discovery to help find the behavioural pattern that prevents us from flowing through life with more strength and balance, to navigate obstacles with lightness and grace.” His niece admitted that, at that moment, she needed help. She asked if her uncle could assist her more directly. The shoemaker nodded and asked her: “What bothers you most besides not being able to stabilize your relationship with Cláudio?” Teresa replied that it was continuing to give her son an allowance even though he was of age, not studying or working. Loureiro said he would continue with a few questions but asked Teresa not to answer before thinking carefully and to be as sincere as possible: “Why does this financial support make you uncomfortable?” His niece said it encouraged him to avoid taking responsibility for his own life, delaying his process of maturity and autonomy, leaving a legacy of leniency and dependence, making it harder for him to recognize his own value and capabilities. The shoemaker followed the logical sequence: “Why do you keep doing something you consider wrong?” Fear, Teresa confessed. She feared giving her antagonists a reason to accuse her of abandoning her son once again, of not caring for him, of turning her back on him, and other similar slanders. Since these were people Cláudio tended to listen to and admire, she feared losing the one she loved so much for good. She felt trapped by these circumstances.
Loureiro continued with the series of questions: “Is it possible to lose what one doesn’t have?” His niece lowered her gaze, as if admitting that the relationship model she maintained with her son was so unsatisfying that it made no sense to fear a possible and almost insignificant setback. The shoemaker made her think: “Is it worth renouncing the truth before the opinions of others, especially when these voices are tainted by unbalanced emotions?” Teresa made a move to speak, but the words got stuck in her throat and she said nothing. She took a deep breath, lowered her head, and began to cry. Her uncle stood up and hugged her tenderly for several minutes. Overflowing in tears is important to let out the weight of pain and create space for new feelings and ideas. Calmer, she asked to continue the conversation. It was important. Teresa was beginning to suspect that all the answers awaited her within. She only needed courage and clarity to accept them, she admitted. Her uncle nodded and added: “Clarity begins with clear sight, is grounded in the serene acceptance of uncomfortable reality, and is completed by the firmness of never renouncing the truth even in the face of the greatest difficulties. Even though the emotional costs may seem high at first, they will prove justified along the journey. Clarity reveals life’s didactic essence.”
He continued: “What is the right thing to do?” Teresa thought for a few moments and said that if she continued acting the same way, she would only be postponing the problem, limiting ideas, poisoning feelings, and rooting mistaken behaviours, increasing the difficulty over time, without ever solving the problem. That path would always lead her to an unpleasant place. She wiped away the last tear and admitted that she needed to invite her son for a conversation. She had thought about it for a long time. She would end the allowance in three months. Definitively. Cláudio would have that time to find a job or, if he wanted, she was willing to start a business with him. She would finance the venture, while he would contribute with his labour. They would be partners. She would let the young man choose the activity, something he enjoyed doing, while she would use her greater experience to guide the project. She wanted to support her son’s growth, which had been stagnant for years, and help him become self-sufficient in all aspects of his life. Work would be the beginning of a necessary process of discoveries, encounters, and inner achievements for the young man. Moreover, it would serve as a garden for the relationship between mother and son to bloom into the flowers that awaited them in seed. A rebellious tear escaped, bringing forth the genuine feeling of her heart.
Loureiro warned her: “There’s an important move missing. What would it be?” Teresa thought for a while and said she didn’t know. The shoemaker replied: “Yes, you do.” His niece reflected for a few moments and said that there would likely be criticism from relatives who didn’t sympathize with her; when emotions are dense, it’s always possible to find a disparaging gaze even in the face of the best actions. Her uncle made a gesture of approval and added: “There’s an important detail. Cláudio believes he owes a debt of gratitude to these people he so admires and loves, after all, they took care of him when you supposedly abandoned him. My nephew’s wavering behaviour stems from being divided between the voices of the world that describe you as a negligent mother and the eyes of his soul that show you as a loving and caring mother. He loves you, I have no doubt about that. However, he feels that by strengthening his ties with you, he would be betraying all those who have always stood by him. A feeling distorted by twisted ideas. Showing loyalty to these people gives him a sense of belonging to a group that offers a false sense of security. In truth, each individual will only feel completely secure when they conquer themselves, which essentially means mastering emotions, generating one’s own thoughts, and taking ownership of one’s choices. Otherwise, they remain puppets in the hands of others’ interests, not all of which are well-intentioned.” He cleared his throat and concluded: “No one wishes us well by distancing us from those who love us. Such behaviour lacks affection and honesty. However, never forget: your battle is not against anyone. It all comes down to you with yourself. The correct inner moves will free you from the ways of the world.” He took a sip of coffee and added: “In this conversation you’ll have with Cláudio, show him that having a good relationship with his mother does not mean betraying his father. One love does not cancel the other. The young man is imprisoned by the cruelty of his own misunderstandings, influenced by the unhealthy emotions of some people around him. He suffers greatly. Although chronologically an adult, he still lacks the maturity to move with autonomy. He needs his actions to be validated by relatives; when this doesn’t happen, he retreats out of insecurity. Not very differently, you are also trapped by the behaviour of these same people, as if your happiness depended on their approval.”
We remained silent for a while. Holding the mug with both hands, Teresa sipped her coffee in small, consecutive gulps, absorbed in her thoughts. She was the one who broke the silence and wanted to know from her uncle what to do if, upon presenting the new conditions to her son, he became upset and never wanted to see her again. Loureiro shook his head, as if to say that this was the missing question, and explained: “Never is a time that does not exist. At some point, life arranges events so that distant hearts come together again. Inexorably. No doubt, nothing guarantees that Cláudio will react as you hope. This is not a reason to feel afraid. Although you have no legitimacy to force anyone to change, you have every right to modify the patterns of your relationship with anyone. Including the son you love so much. This is not a reason for conflict. Love is educational, for we learn and teach through it. There is no better teacher. In love, there is the time to say yes and the moment to say no. If love is to wish well, there is no reason to renounce the truth and allow the loved one to harm themselves without offering honest help, or to let their behaviour continue hurting us. Do the right thing, keep loving, and move forward.” Teresa said she didn’t know if this was the right time to take this action. Loureiro shrugged and pointed out: “As the alchemist from Atlanta used to say, every day is perfect for doing the right thing.” He emptied his coffee mug and concluded: “Forgive everyone and forgive yourself so that you can offer your best, without any desire for revenge or any feeling other than the wish to do good for Cláudio, even if it takes him time to understand your good intentions or if he resists getting closer. Like all people, he will move at the pace of his own consciousness. Believe in yourself, make both the inner and outer moves that you find virtuous and true, and be at peace. Life will take care of moving the pieces on the board of relationships so that, at the right time, all hearts meet, and paths adjust. Nothing ends here or there, life offers a unique journey according to each traveller’s merit and need.”
Teresa asked for more coffee. Loureiro did too. While I went to prepare a new round, I heard her admit that, although she hadn’t realized it, she already knew everything that had been discussed. It was as if the truth was in a drawer alongside other ideas, feelings, memories, desires, fears, and interests that, when mixed, created a huge mess and made her confuse one with another. Her uncle had helped her organize the drawer. This way, it was possible to visualize the truth and use it as an equation in this complicated test proposed by life. When I returned with the pot of fresh coffee, I could see Teresa’s flushed face and radiant eyes, quite different from when she had entered the workshop. At that moment, I was certain that, regardless of her son’s choices, of the people’s reactions around her, and of the enormous difficulty of the test, Teresa was close to passing. It only depended on a few simple moves that only she could make. The reward was peace with herself. It is always like this for all of us. Problems drag on when we insist on using worn-out equations, on following paths that always lead us to the same place. No inability consists of the impossibility of making the right move, but of the lack of clarity, that is, the misunderstanding of one’s power over personal autonomy and the infinite possibilities of walking through life without being imprisoned by anyone’s consent. She thanked for the conversation, gave her uncle a loud kiss on the cheek, and left radiant like someone who has regained control over their own life. Her feet seemed not even to touch the ground.
Translated by Cazmilian Zórdic.
