Love is not an exchange

I often hear people saying that “we give love and we want to receive love. Love is an exchange”, as a final statement. No, love is not an exchange. Exchange is the basis of trade, which, indeed, helps move the planet and lessen differences between people; love, however, is not a commodity to be traded. Love must be unconditional; nothing should be asked in return, or it is not love. Love is not a currency people use to relate to one another, but the actual sense of relationships. In fact, when one complains the other did not give back the love offered, we make a third party accountable for our existential void. A whole being on the way to inner harmony knows that all the peace and happiness he needs for his fulfillment is developed within himself, by himself. Then, he starts sharing with everyone the good feeling that delights his heart. As a coat that was knitted with the needle of wisdom and the threads of love, one selflessly gives to someone who is cold without expecting anything in return other than the inner joy of having given someone a bit of comfort. You have to understand that you alone are accountable for your happiness. To pass onto others the responsibility to make you happy is improper, foolish, and, sooner or later, the typical conflicts of those who carry a burden they cannot stand will emerge. One cannot ask the other to fill the void of one’s soul; this is a personal challenge intrinsic to the evolution of each one. No one has the obligation to make anyone else happy. This does not mean you should not do your best for someone to smile or feel comfortable. To be loved is wonderful, and one of life’s divine gifts, but one must accept that the love of the other is not, nor it will be, the basis of your happiness. It must be built little by little within you. Each one of us, no exceptions made, has the necessary tools to strengthen the soul to achieve its fulfillment totally free, devoid of any emotional dependency. Depending on others, affectionately or sentimentally, is like being in a prison without bars – even though some may be well disguised in sweet, golden cages – where we cannot let ourselves rot.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe, the root of all transformation, magic or miracles. It is the wings of the being and the reason for evolution. The power of love lies in the fantastic reality that the more you give, the more you have; this magic source of happiness overflows endlessly. This is the only way to get a ticket to the next station in life’s wonderful journey. There is no other. The only luggage you will be allowed to take is the essence of your most noble feelings and the histories you wrote with them. This is the only content that fits in your “sacred bag”: your heart. This is your true inheritance.

One cannot ask for anything in exchange of love, because, in order to exist, love requires selflessness, generosity, joy, freedom, forgiveness and social harmony. By giving love, we become richer in the precise measure of the love we gave. That is odd, isn’t it? But only when we are not responsive to a number of cultural, social and ancestral conditionings that limit the expansion of consciousness. The exercise of unconditional love frees and hones us. I insist, love is either unconditional, or it is not love.

Love has many, enriching perspectives. Here is a summary that will be developed further in other texts.

– Forgiveness is, perhaps, the most important. Sorrow is a terrible dungeon that imprisons us to who allegedly caused us harm. The handcuffs are locked by the energies originated from the feelings and the thinking. For us to be free and move forward on the Path, the only way is to forgive. There is no other. Resentment is restraining in the precise measure that freedom is liberating. By forgiving, we free the other from out darkest wishes, and, in sync, we free ourselves. Thus, in addition to being an action of deep love, forgiveness is an action of extreme wisdom. Understanding forgiveness allows one to use a powerful tool of evolution. Forgiveness grants us the sacred cloak of perfect humility, as we acknowledge our own faults or the faults we once had. It is the perfect understanding that no one is born ready. Yes, evil must be stopped and the error corrected. However, no one has the power to prevent the offender new possibilities for making it right in the future. It could be you or me.

– To experience love’s energy in all its power means to understand the uselessness of keeping someone imprisoned to you, as wishes, pride and vanity do not create the legitimate right. Jealousy is not love. Jealousy is the shadow of love, the fear of taking on the wings granted by love. Someone’s freedom to leave or stay is absolute, and should be respected. Thus, reciprocation is always well applied. No one owns anyone. The other will want to walk by your side for the time the spiritual affinities are aligned. It can take one day, or centuries. The Law of Evolution is unavoidable, and will take everyone to their destination. Each one, however, will travel with the precise speed their level of awareness expands, and this also changes, willingly or due to impositions. No one will be left behind, but not everyone will take steps of the same length. Therefore, some separations will be unavoidable. One must understand that the process of evolution, even though developed through social relationships, with their pains and enjoyments, in which we learn from some and teach others, is personal and non-transferable. This explains the mistake of wanting someone by our side at any cost, or the suffering of seeing the other leave. To understand that “it was good while it lasted” or “letting go what no longer belongs to that moment” is to accept the wise cosmic observations. What many would call losses are nothing more than the indispensable hidden transformations that are disclosed by the wisdom of time.

– Love elicits some noble variations. For instance, the word Misericordia is the Latin (and, for that matter, the most Latin languages) for “mercy”, derived from misericors, “merciful”, which is in turn derived from misereri, “to pity”, and cor, “heart”. This, to me, is one of the most beautiful words of the Portuguese language, as it means “to use our heart to alleviate the pain of the other”, as a valued balm that comforts whoever comes to us. The Orientals teach that compassion is the beauty of “saving a soul”, and when we do that, there is a new star twinkling in the sky. Have you asked yourself how many stars you helped to place in the sky? The most interesting is to realize how the mere action of giving some of your time, and some loving words uttered with sincerity have the power to rescue lives and change courses. These are cheap seeds available to any, more attentive, gardener.

Love is what is most sacred in being as, in essence, it reveals the hope one deposits in humankind and, therefore, in oneself.

Within each one of us there is this force capable of transforming and liberating us, rippling to the ends of the universe, beautifying the garden of existence. In love there is all your power and magic. Use it without moderation!

Kindly translated by Carlos André Oighenstein.



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