Cléo, the beautiful witch with her slender body, brown skin, black hair, always in flowing colourful dresses, was the interlocutor of some of the most incredible experiences I have lived. With disconcerting lucidity, I often counted on her help to unravel the vision that allowed me to move forward. Despite the encounters I had, she is part of the mythological universe of Rio de Janeiro. For many, she is nothing but an urban legend. A fictional character created to illustrate tales and contexts in conversations filled with mysteries and free of commitment. I respect those who think that way. Believing in something or someone is, or should be, a process of rational construction. It happens that Cléo escapes Cartesian logic. I have no control over when I will be with her. The meetings never happened when I wished for them, but in the moments chosen by the witch, without any prior notice. The conversations always took place at the top of Pedra Bonita, a huge granite massif leaning seven hundred meters above the Atlantic in Rio de Janeiro. I climb the mountain, sit facing the sea, and wait. Few were the times Cléo appeared. Just as she appeared, she vanished as if by enchantment, dancing surrounded by seagulls. Yet, those rare encounters were pivotal for the transformations they offered, as I have narrated in some stories. To propel processes of intrinsic change sums up the power of her magic. In short, magic means transformation. No one changes without the firm purpose of replacing, definitively, aspects and behavioural traits that until then defined them. Willpower alone is not enough. It is necessary to understand what is best for oneself, a task far more complex than it seems. Everyone believes they know what is best for themselves. Proud, vain, and greedy people, as well as liars, criminals, and selfish ones also move under that belief. What is best for oneself must be connected to spiritual evolution. Only that understanding makes us ready to re-educate the mind and the heart. To bring forth light from inner shadows demands commitment to oneself. It is not easy to leave behind old habits of thinking and feeling. There will be a thousand inner voices,the shouts of fear to the invitations of convenience,promising in vain to accommodate suffering and avoid the enormous effort inherent to the challenge of transformation. I suspect nothing about Cléo is random. When we manage to silence the dissonant voices, we are ready for change. Then, she appears.
For these reasons, when people come to me trying to arrange a conversation with the witch, I claim that she does not exist. I say that Cléo is a character of popular imagination, which I appropriated without asking permission. Since I am unable to assess when people are ready to carry out the changes they desire, I avoid the frustrations typical of daydreams and the undue expectations created. I realize most do not take it seriously or do not yet understand the scope and power of transformation. These, for the most part, only want the world to adapt to their desires. Since it will never happen, they become bad-tempered, impatient, anxious, and irritable. All of them, without exception, do not know how to deal with or deny the need to improve their own vision, refine their thinking, and sharpen their feelings. In short, they run from the effort of changing their own way of being and living. They prefer the worn-out discourse of misunderstanding and injustice of which they claim to be victims. They choose to transfer responsibility for their own lives. They are unaware of or unwilling to accept that the power of life resides in the very core of being. No one will find it anywhere else. To cease being who you are in order to become another is neither a shallow idea nor one of immediate understanding. It requires long elaboration in the laboratories of the mind and a meticulous cleaning of the drawers of the heart. It is indispensable to relearn how to think and feel. A careful process of deconstruction and consequent reconstruction of oneself. The hasty and unprepared end up disappointed as quickly as those who throw themselves into a rough sea in a fragile boat, lacking map and compass, oar and rudder. I do not write this to discourage anyone, but to leave no trace of doubt about the difficult journey ahead. Yet, it is in the difficulties of the path that we discover the wonders of the journey. Expanding boundaries has nothing to do with reaching the other side of the world. In truth, it is about going beyond one’s own limitations.
At first, it was no different with Glória. A friend since the days at the advertising agency. An illustrator of rare talent, she worked with me on the creative team for many years. She knew my stories with Cléo. Glória had been married to Paulo for almost two decades. They began dating while still young, in high school. They had divorced a few years before. They shared custody of their only son. It was he who had wanted the separation, against her will, despite the mistreatment she suffered. It was not physical violence or threats. Nor financial coercion, since she was a respected and well-paid professional. But psychological manipulation, stemming from the emotional dependence born of her insecurity about the love her husband felt for her. Her joys and sorrows varied according to the affection or indifference with which Paulo treated her at each moment. If she received attention and smiles, she felt well. If he looked at her with disdain or irritation, she sank into agony until the husband decided to reverse his wife’s mood. Knowing the power he had over her, he treated her according to his humour or interest. She was a plaything in her husband’s hands. Therapy made her understand the process to which she submitted herself by free choice. Each person has over us exactly the power we grant them. No more, no less, her therapist taught. Never allow something or someone to pull you away from your axis of light. Instead of changing herself as a way of reaching her own emotional autonomy, Glória preferred to talk to Paulo so that he would change the way he treated her. Once again, she abdicated her power over herself. On the contrary, Paulo used it to mock his wife’s fragility. Worse still, unsatisfied, he asked for a divorce on the grounds that she was not up to his level. He wanted a strong woman. At first, Glória believed the separation would at least put an end to her suffering. A grave mistake. Nothing changes until we carry through the indispensable internal transformation. Despite being divorced, Paulo’s behaviour continued to determine how Glória felt. The fact they had a pre-adolescent son, under shared custody, maintained ties of coexistence with the ex-husband, enough for her emotional well-being to remain manipulated by him. They spoke on the phone about matters concerning the boy or met, even if briefly, during the exchanges of custody. Words of insinuation, looks of disdain, or sarcastic smiles were enough to crumble the woman’s emotional structures. No matter how much she prepared, she remained a hostage of her ex-husband’s behaviour. Contrary to what her friends believed, Glória had no desire to reconcile with Paulo. Yet, in the days before their meetings, she lived with anxiety, wondering how her emotions would be after they spoke. Though aware of the imbalance and familiar with the psychological process, she could not free herself from the suffering she imposed upon herself. Therapy had given her an understanding of reality, but she lacked the final movement of liberation. The pivotal detail. She believed Cléo could show her. At first, as usual, I denied the witch’s existence. The illustrator neither believed nor gave up. Every day she sent me messages speaking of her determination to free herself from the prison built by pain. Suffering is the cruellest of prisons. One day she came to me at the publishing house. Moved by her firm determination to find a cure, I agreed on one condition: we would make a single attempt. If the witch did not appear, Glória would have to seek another path. She agreed with a beautiful, confident smile.
It was April. Autumn is the best season to climb Pedra Bonita. The days usually have mild temperatures, with a blue sky free of clouds or mists. The view is breathtaking. We went in the middle of the week, when there is hardly anyone up there. We sat facing the sea, with Rio de Janeiro at our feet. The soft morning breeze carried the frantic pulse of the city. It was not noise. Silence had an empire atop the mountain. It was possible to hear the rhythms of hearts unbalanced between beauty and ruin. Both the city’s and Glória’s. I closed my eyes and let myself be carried by thoughts. Since I was tired from having worked hard those days, without realizing it, I fell asleep. I woke up in the late afternoon. Like a sentry on duty, Glória waited seated at my side. She looked at me anxiously. It was time to descend. The witch had not appeared. A rebellious tear slid down like a small stream carving the beautiful face of a woman thirsty for her own liberation. I made a motion to rise. She held my arm and, with the other hand, gestured for us to wait a little longer. Without losing her good humour, she said witches are late too. We laughed. I explained it was dangerous to stay there at night. She pointed at the setting sun and said that when the star touched the ocean, we would go down. There would be enough light until we reached the car parked near the hang-glider ramp. I agreed. I was touched to notice she was trying to hold back the sun’s plunge with the strength of her gaze. Every second more mattered. Until there was no way to wait anymore. Resigned, Glória rose.
Still under the enormous granite plateau, we walked toward the descent trail when I heard the squawking of seagulls. The next second, I turned to Glória. Her eyes smiled, full of hope. Near where we had sat all day, accompanied by the birds, Cléo spun at the edge of the cliff. For an instant, I hesitated to go back because of the dangers of the night. Glória’s eyes begged me not to leave. They pleaded with me not to do that to her. It was impossible to resist. We went back.
When we got closer, Glória dashed to meet the witch. Cléo welcomed her with open arms. They exchanged a long embrace. The illustrator wept uncontrollably. There was a pain so great and so old it no longer fit inside her. It needed to overflow so it would not explode in despair nor implode in sadness. Later, calmer, Cléo made her sit and settled at her side. I made a motion to move away and give them privacy, but the witch asked me to stay: “It is important that you also listen. Not only to apply in your own relationships, but to remind her of everything that was said. Nothing must be forgotten”. Then Glória narrated her pains, dilemmas, and doubts. As she spoke, a huge and fantastic reddish full moon rose behind Pedra da Gávea, lighting up our night.
Without any interruption, Glória spoke for a time I cannot measure. Only when she grew tired of hearing herself did the witch point out: “There are three relevant aspects to be addressed and understood. Validation, love, and forgiveness”. She paused before continuing: “Your emotional dependence on Paulo arises in exact proportion to your refusal to recognize your own worth. The image each person has of themselves cannot be drawn by the opinion of another individual. Just like everyone else, my image is built through the dignity with which I conduct myself through the days, the virtues I apply to relationships, the principles that guide my choices, the love sown along life’s roads, even if no one else perceives them. The value of my actions is enough for me, for it is the only useful criterion to establish my size, richness, and beauty. The concept someone forms of me will serve only as a ruler for the exclusive measurement of the one who assumes the right to measure others. It will never have any use in defining who I am. Each one understands reality according to the eyes they possess”. Then she considered: “Your image belongs to your understanding. Yours and yours alone. Never grant that power to anyone. It would be like authorizing the absurd control to determine who you are, what you may think, what you must feel, where you have permission to go and arrive, to turn your own light on or off. No one needs anyone’s validation to be happy, live in peace, and love without limits. It is an internal conquest, a primordial movement of dignity, liberation, and healing”.
Gloria wanted to know if that was the reason for her emotional imbalance. Cleo explained: “Also. But it’s not just that. To undo suffering it’s necessary to go to the origin of the pain to understand the causes that destabilized your emotional structure. We suffer because of the inability to properly process the experience lived. Any dependency robs a person of the dominion they need to have over themselves. With this, they become powerless over their life choices, generating the instability that causes anxieties, fears, and sufferings”. She adjusted her hair before continuing: “When you believed your happiness depended on Paulo’s love, you transferred to him the power to manipulate your feelings and your peace”. She looked at her seriously and stressed: “He may have made bad use of that power, but he didn’t steal anything from you. You were the one who handed it over”. With her face bathed in tears, Gloria had no way to disagree. The witch shrugged and suggested: “However, nothing prevents you from taking that power back. It’s yours by right, it pertains to your life. Becoming the owner of yourself is a choice always available and possible”.
The illustrator confessed not knowing how to do it. She had been honest when saying she no longer cared to feel loved by Paulo. This disturbed her even more, because she didn’t understand why her ex-husband’s attitudes still unbalanced her. Cleo went straight to the heart of the matter: “Hatred,” she stated without preamble. Gloria was startled. She said she was a good person. The witch did not disagree: “I have no doubt of that. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. However, good people also feel hatred, envy, jealousy, and a series of other self-destructive and destabilizing feelings. By ancestral conditioning, we tend to feel anger and resentment toward those who harm, hurt, or oppose us. Since immemorial times we’ve been taught to think and feel this way. Feeding the habit is drowning in poison; denying the addiction is letting oneself be destroyed by suffering. Accepting the bitter feeling and then deconstructing it is the therapy of healing. Imbalance is one of the inevitable consequences of hatred and resentment, for it provokes constriction in thinking and acidity in feeling. Movements become harsh or insecure, which escalates the levels of emotional instability, fertilizing the soil for the roots of suffering. Out of ignorance, many confuse aggressiveness with strength. It’s worth stressing that strength means movement toward the light. Everything else is reduced to brutality and wickedness as the synthesis of cowardice and weakness. Peace and gentleness signal the real presence of balance and the strength to move among the obstacles and hindrances of existence, always with lightness and softness”. Cleo offered a beautiful smile to the illustrator and considered: “Trade hatred for the regenerative and restorative power of compassion. Emotional rebalance will be the immediate effect of that change in perspective. Even more, you will have the lucidity to understand how you placed yourself in the unhealthy spot where you were, and thus never return”. Gloria listened attentively. The witch went on: “Compassion is the virtue of understanding and accepting the fragilities of others through the understanding of our own weaknesses and difficulties. After all, we cannot demand perfection we don’t have to offer. There is much love and wisdom in this understanding and movement”.
The illustrator asked whether every time she was overtaken by feelings of anger or helplessness she would be left emotionally unbalanced. The witch nodded yes and confirmed: “This is the cornerstone of transformation. The point where the mystery of suffering is decoded”. She paused so that we could put the reasoning together and continued: “To feel hatred or resentment in the times we are harmed speaks of an atavistic behaviour that has always hindered us. Thus, it requires change. Everything that bothers, causes discomfort, or hurts signals something poorly built inside us. Pay attention to your impatiences and intolerances, which show how much we still don’t know how to deal with the contrarieties inherent in the differences that characterize people and end up making relationships a school of evolution par excellence. Notice that the root of these shadows dialogues with the harshness of the soul of an individual unaccustomed to using love as a shield in personal dealings. Be it with oneself, be it with the world. We learned to think wrongly. From the beginning of time, we have lived in relationships in which there is an insane, veiled, unconscious struggle for dominance and superiority. By accepting to live under this rule, logically, we abdicate freedom and peace. And often, dignity. We move through continuous disputes and rivalries. We are multitudes of unbalanced people who don’t perceive the mistake of the method adopted. In a senseless behavioural vicious circle, we think in ways that feed the dense feelings that narrow our capacity to think. We are less when we could be more. We suffer from misunderstanding. Without realizing where we chose to dwell, we live in the prison of pain while freedom awaits us at the distance of a simple change of perspective”.
She paused again before closing the philosophical arc: “The cause of emotional imbalance is anger, resentment, fear, victimhood, and the absurd belief in one’s own inability to deal with any and all situations. To be happy, free, dignified, to feel at peace, and to love as much and whom you wish. It is ignoring the power of life that screams from the depths in the voices of suffering: I am here, come rescue me”. The witch looked tenderly at the illustrator and concluded: “We suffer from the imbalance arising from hatred, resentment, and fear by which we move, instead of giving place to love and compassion in the face of the adversities and difficulties inherent to existence”. She asked a question to encourage Gloria’s reasoning: “Do you understand that Paulo’s provocations and manipulations stem from the weaknesses and fragilities he carries?” She said he had always seemed a strong and self-possessed man. Cleo clarified: “Don’t be fooled by appearances. There is much fear and suffering in him. Since he doesn’t understand them, he becomes incapable of properly managing his feelings and thus reacts by punishing others for the pain he feels. If he were happy, he wouldn’t act like that. The armours of pride, vanity, arrogance, haughtiness, and sarcasm hide enormous and deep sufferings. Harshness in personal dealings reveals the high level of internal dissatisfaction, unacknowledged or misunderstood. Compassion allows for the exact reading of this scenario, modifying the look and the feeling one has toward rudeness and aggressiveness, keeping us immune to the interlocutor’s misunderstandings. Only through the sincere acceptance of one’s own difficulties can one understand the fragility of others. Without humility there is no compassion. An internal movement devoid of any discourse. Everything else is mere display of an evolution not yet achieved. Trading the lenses of hatred for those of love removes the causes of imbalance and, as a consequence, undoes suffering. Mental, emotional, and energetic rebalance is immediately restored. The proper limits necessary to avoid disrespect, abuse, and the harmful influences of wickedness appear clearly and must be applied with firmness and delicacy at once. Firmness closes the doors to evil, while delicacy avoids producing subsequent evil as a reaction to a disastrous action. The other person will still be left with the beneficial effect of realizing the inefficacy of their methods, as well as the legacy of debts they will inherit from the mistake of their acts. This is a highly effective school”.
Gloria wiped her tears and whispered that she clearly understood the reasoning offered. If the bitter feeling was the cause of imbalance, by replacing it with another, noble and subtle, she would reverse the instability. For this, it was necessary to re-educate the mind to see everything and everyone under new, and until then unthinkable, angles. The witch smiled and added: “There is one last detail, but no less important”. She observed for a moment the fantastic reddish moon over Pedra da Gávea, turned to the illustrator, and pointed out: “Forgive others and forgive yourself”. Then she explained: “No one forgets the striking events they lived. They are part of personal history and, therefore, fundamental to learning. When you make a retrospective of your existence,and it’s normal that you do,you will remember the mistreatments. If far from forgiveness, you will feel guilt for the abuses allowed and resentment for the wrongs suffered. If enveloped by forgiveness, you will understand how much they served your spiritual growth. You will rejoice”. She furrowed her brows and reminded her seriously: “Likewise, as long as you remain attached to the expectation of Paulo’s repentance, you will stay unbalanced by the frustration generated by something beyond your control. Do not fall into that trap. You could remain imprisoned for centuries. Logically, liberation does not depend on someone else’s act. It is an autonomous and independent movement. No one has the power to make another walk. Each does so at their own pace and taste. In this resides the strength of forgiveness. However, one person’s desire for delay cannot prevent another from boarding the train of evolution to continue the journey. His weight cannot burden your lightness. Each is entirely responsible for themselves. Without complaints or grievances. This understanding we call maturity”. Then she summarized the conversation: “The healing of the ills that come from imbalance is raised with self-esteem, structured through the love and wisdom contained in compassion, and completed with the liberation achieved by sacred forgiveness”. Sacred is everything that makes us better people, muttered Gloria. Cleo winked in agreement.
Without another word, the witch stood up, not without first offering a beautiful smile to the illustrator, who thanked her for the conversation and for the code to liberation and healing. To use them to open the doors she needed to cross was the task awaiting her. In the mirror of Gloria’s eyes, I saw Cleo, surrounded by seagulls, dance on the edge of the cliff until she disappeared. We took advantage of the night of the reddish full moon to metabolize those ideas. They needed to become instruments of the transformation that awaited her. Otherwise, the encounter would be wasted. We reviewed each sentence, talked, and reflected. We went down at dawn. Gloria seemed unable to contain herself. She was cheerful and excited about the prospect of her life from then on. She felt the power of the days in the palm of her hand. She frolicked as she walked. Her feet seemed not to even touch the ground.
Translated by: Cazmilian Zórdic
