“When the taste of others serves as our mold, we lose who we could have become,” was the sentence I heard upon entering Loureiro’s workshop, the shoemaker who stitched leather and ideas with equal mastery. It was raining heavily in the small and charming town of narrow, winding streets paved with centuries-old stones. The umbrella wasn’t enough to keep me safe from the water. I hung my wet coat and exchanged a hug with Loureiro. In his usual elegance, with his thick white hair combed back, he wore a light-pink shirt, its sleeves rolled up to the elbows to provide greater mobility for work, tucked neatly into navy-blue tailored trousers. The black shoes were of his own making. I greeted Francis, the youngest son of René, the town’s bookseller. From the tone of the sentence I had heard upon arriving, it wasn’t difficult to notice how serious the conversation was. Without much conviction, I said I would leave them alone if they preferred. They laughed.
Outside, the storm was relentless. As usual, the train had dropped me off at dawn at the station. The unusual workshop schedule , opening at night and closing at lunchtime, made the atelier not only a safe and pleasant shelter until the time of the transport to the monastery, but also the stage for the memorable lessons offered by the shoemaker. The town was still asleep. At that moment I had nowhere to go. While Loureiro filled three mugs with fresh coffee, the bookseller’s son suggested I sit beside him at the heavy wooden counter. Kind and welcoming, Francis invited me to join the conversation. My opinion would be welcome, an important counterpoint to the shoemaker’s ideas, always far too disconcerting and difficult to assimilate, Francis pretended to tease him. Playing along, I agreed with him. Loureiro smiled and set the steaming mugs on the counter. Despite the good humour, the subject was serious.
Francis was a pleasant young man, loved by everyone. Helpful, he was always willing to assist. As often happens in similar cases, his great ease in yielding was inversely proportional to his difficulty in saying no. Although he was a generous man, his undeniable kindness concealed an unconfessable fear of displeasing people should he express his true opinion or will. It had been this way since childhood. He had become a lawyer, the profession of his maternal grandfather, due to his mother’s influence. He married Cris, his first girlfriend, because it was her wish, as well as the wish of both families and their close friends. Everyone adored the young woman’s dynamic and cheerful nature. Francis did too. Although she was an interesting and pleasant person, what was missing was the kind of love that aligns the story of two souls into the same evolutionary narrative. He adopted veganism, not out of taste or conviction, but so as not to displease his wife, an avid adherent of contemporary sociocultural movements and trends. In conversations, he avoided disagreeing for fear of causing conflict or discomfort. He had become accustomed to saying what each person or group wanted to hear. Always available to the needs of everyone, he had forgotten his own. He left behind the flavours he enjoyed and the paths he would have liked to travel. He became a person very different from the one he could have become. He had not lived the experiences he needed, fundamental to his existential learning and formation. Although he lived surrounded by people, he felt a strange and inexplicable loneliness, he confessed. Potentialities and possibilities had been abandoned because of others’ expectations. Francis was someone he himself did not recognize. A tenor without a voice in a confused opera. The dimmed protagonist of a diffuse plot dictated by an audience driven by its own interests. A story without story due to the total absence of authorial content. He avoided thinking about it. Inside him there was an immense void that devoured him. Every day, a little more, he became a little less. He needed medication to sleep. Joy, which comes from the enchantment with oneself and with life, had been replaced by the euphoria of fleeting pleasures with shallow values.
Among friends, he sustained conversations that held no interest for his soul. Without denying the importance of the profession, he lived a routine between petitions and hearings that caused him boredom, strangeness and discomfort due to a lack of affinity and vocation. His sense of responsibility had made him a serious and competent lawyer, with a good client portfolio, owing to the integrity with which he handled legal actions, much of it coming from a social life close to those who held productive capital, able to pay fees proportional to the high values involved in the cases. He was praised and respected both in the courthouse and in the social halls. He lived a marriage of good appearance and little intimacy. Holding hands and exchanging formal smiles, they attended parties, events and ceremonies. They travelled often to a major metropolis just two hours away by car, where his father-in-law, a prestigious industrialist, managed a well-known textile park.
At home, for some years now, under the pretext that at night he liked to read while she loved to watch TV, they slept in separate rooms. His relationship with his wife was polite and respectful, but without the affection and empathy indispensable to healthy and meaningful relationships. They talked about small matters. They spoke about social occurrences, modern happenings, occasional exhibitions, a show they planned to attend, ordinary domestic issues such as home repairs. For years, they had not spoken about their feelings, needs, or ideas that lay beyond the narrow boundaries that kept them from going beyond who they were. Or rather, beyond who Francis was. Cris adored her lifestyle. The couple’s schedule, as well as the household routine, was under the wife’s responsibility. From what they would have for dinner to the weekend plans. Without discussion or disagreement. The couple had three children, a number considered ideal not only by the wife but also by the mother and mother-in-law. Francis loved his children deeply and believed they would be the bonds holding the marriage together. The problem was that, now young adults, the two oldest were attending different universities abroad. The youngest would leave at the end of summer. Despite the material conditions many considered ideal for a happy life, for Francis it no longer made sense to maintain the marriage with Cris. He could not imagine himself in that house without the children, living only with his wife. He was willing to give up the law career and the marriage. He needed a small suitcase and a short note. Nothing more. He had accumulated good savings, enough to begin a new life without financial hardship. He thought about living far away. Perhaps across the ocean, he considered. He wanted to be himself, he longed for freedom, he revealed. Then, with his soul crushed by his own incomprehensions, he asked the ultimate question: I don’t fight with anyone. I have no economic problems and I enjoy good health. I live surrounded by people who care about me, I receive constant praise…, but I do not know peace. How is this possible?
Loureiro took a sip of coffee and reflected: “No one changes their life merely by changing cities, professions, or getting a divorce. If they do, they will continue repeating old patterns of behaviour in different scenarios. It will be more of the same. For change to have meaning, any transformation must be grounded in firm and profound internal shifts. These are what point to a new meaning for life and sustain it in the face of the difficulties inherent to the days. To remain filled with strength and balance, the movement must come from the inside out, never the opposite direction, which only reveals dissatisfactions not yet understood. The individual rebels against suffering without understanding the reasons that caused it. Changing the character does not extinguish the pain. Bringing to light the one who until now was forgotten and denied in the dark alleys of oneself is one of the true meanings of the word rebirth. There is nothing wrong with changing your haircut, clothing style, home, job, or profession. However, for a genuine change to occur, it will be necessary to understand and modify the way you see and respect yourself. There must be the indispensable coherence between what you want for yourself and the choices you make. The actor who changes the makeup to play another character in a script he did not write is still just an actor performing stories that are not his own. Whoever lives the story they write becomes the author of their own life. Despite the inevitable mistakes, displeasures and disappointments inherent to experiences and learning, they will know the joys, delights and achievements of building an original narrative. An inestimable power, source of the beauty and charm that exist , and are often forgotten , in all people”.
Francis said he needed to leave home, get away from his wife and in-laws, and even from his parents. As well as from the dull office routine and from friends he had nothing in common with. He longed for a new life. Within a few weeks all his children would be studying abroad. He would leave right after. He wanted to go back to sleeping without medication. He craved freedom. He needed to find peace. He would never manage it if he didn’t get away from everything and everyone. He felt suffocated by so many demands. The shoemaker questioned him: “There are no demands. People ask, you do. They tell you to do, you obey. They’ve simply become used to being attended to the moment they need something. The power they possess was given to them by you. The inability to express ‘no’ has cheapened your ‘yes.’ What you want has lost importance and value. It has no owner. It belongs to everyone and therefore to no one. Not even to you. There is no way to blame the world for the tight box you chose to live in”.
Francis argued that he had been put in that uncomfortable place since childhood. Everything else had been a consequence of early conditioning. Loureiro nodded as someone who admits the possibility and considered: “Even if that’s the case, staying inside the box is not fate. It’s a choice. Living outside the box is another choice also available. However, it’s not enough to simply leave the box. You must learn to dismantle the walls. Otherwise, you’ll run a serious risk of stepping into other boxes. One after another. Even if they come in different colours and shapes, they’re still boxes. A rather common vicious cycle, though not always noticeable. The walls of the boxes aren’t made of concrete, money, or obligations. They rise out of conditioning and emotions, fears and guilt. Just as they rise, they can also crumble. All it takes are new ideas and feelings, attitudes and postures. It is fair and commendable that you feel the need to find a good place to live, where you can develop your potential and create different possibilities for moving through life. It is a natural right. However, be aware that this place does not exist in the world. If you don’t find it within yourself, you will never find it anywhere”.
Loureiro tapped his index finger on the wooden counter to emphasize the reasoning: “There is no evolution without transformation. Change is vital to life. However, it must be essential. Otherwise, it will be nothing more than fantasy and escape, never a road to freedom and peace. Changing the façade of a building whose structures are in ruins, even if the new design is admired for its beautiful adornments and contours, will not change the building’s fragility. The risk of collapse will remain imminent. Changing your life does not mean switching wives, houses, jobs, or friends. Not that these things can’t happen. But they should come as consequences, never as solutions. As long as it is misunderstood, behaviour will remain erratic”. He took another sip of coffee and suggested: “Change the way you relate to yourself. How you look at yourself and treat yourself. Pay attention to your suffering and your emotions. Identifying them helps in the process of self-discovery and indicates paths toward transformation. Understand your priorities. Decide what you want for yourself and do it. Respect yourself”. He curved his lips into a smile and concluded: “Otherwise, people change, but relationships remain the same”.
Astonished, the lawyer listened attentively. Loureiro continued his reasoning: “The world treats you the way you treat yourself. Asserting yourself does not require harshness or rudeness. Nor does it require waiting for favourable situations that minimize effort and spare courage. It is an act of love and coherence. A simple choice. Simple because it clears away misunderstandings and subterfuges; simple because it depends solely on your own will. It is a commitment to yourself. Nothing more. Then clarity settles in as an inevitable and wonderful consequence”. With tearful eyes, Francis confessed that he had often tried to change his posture regarding others’ expectations. Sometimes he managed small advances only to regret them later and go back. Then he regretted having regretted it. He could not bear to displease people. He wanted to change, but something inside him seemed to stop him. In movies, he watched protagonists undergoing major personal transformations after a specific, decisive event. He longed for such a scene in his life. The shoemaker explained: “Movies and books are very valuable because they show possible projections of reality, not how things actually happen. Without denying their great importance, they must adapt to the number of pages or to the reasonable time a viewer stays in the theatre. The story is compressed to offer a view full of possibilities, always ignoring the time needed for preparation and fulfilment of genuine individual transformations. In real life, it’s different; the rhythm is different. So are the results and the difficulties. They are real. Just like victories and achievements”. Francis said he had not understood.
Loureiro explained: “Since time immemorial, others’ approval has had social value. It can represent privileges, applause, and in some cases even be a matter of survival. In the pursuit of advantages, the individual offers his authenticity in an atavistic marketplace in search of superficial interests. In return, he sets aside deeper achievements. The price is the disconnection from the essence that makes him unique. The ancient battle between the visible treasure and the invisible baggage remains current. Not because they are antagonistic, but because it is essential to understand which one will take priority if they come into conflict or fall out of alignment. Gaining the world is worthless if the cost is forgetting the soul. The forge of convenience molds the individual to the world’s liking. Emptiness spreads as the presence of the soul cools”. He furrowed his brows and added: “Ancestral conditioning does not deconstruct itself overnight. Right and wrong, better and worse, as well as good and evil, often allow for clear reading and easy choices. Other times, not so much. It becomes necessary to unveil layers of deception that repeatedly lead us to unwanted, sorrowful destinations. The brain needs time to reprogram a new way of seeing, capable of making different decisions. Responding to stimuli with clarity instead of reacting impulsively requires daily and continuous re-education. True transformations are slow and gradual. Mixed with progress, some setbacks are also natural. Changing one’s way of being and living is a journey of refinement that involves enormous and constant work of simultaneous deconstruction and reconstruction within oneself. It is neither easy nor fast”. He observed the rain through the atelier’s glass door for a few moments and continued: “What suffocates you is not people or your professional routine, but your disconnection from yourself. There is still a Francis in seed, waiting to bloom. There is very little, or even nothing, of you in your current days. A cowering truth makes life move along the path of fear, guilt, melancholy, or resentment. In this way, sorrowful destinies become inevitable. Dreams and gifts end up suppressed. The emptiness that settles in causes the internal tension that prevents peace. Healing consists of bringing the abandoned essence into the light”.
Francis asked how that happened. The shoemaker was succinct: “Authenticity is the salt of life”. The lawyer said he hadn’t understood. Loureiro explained: “Salt serves to give flavour and to preserve. Authenticity is related to the ability to remain aligned with one’s own values, perspectives, and virtues; truths, principles, and flavours, without being deformed by social expectations and demands. To give up a mold considered standard in the construction of oneself in favour of an original forge capable of seasoning the characteristics that set you apart and preserve your identity, while exercising the natural rights granted by life without asking for permission or waiting for approval, is essential to anyone’s fullness. Your former centre of power, once fragile and susceptible because it depended on others’ opinions, will find the necessary point of balance, as well as the vital strength for the next movement, once it begins to function on the axis of your own conscience, where the dominion is entirely yours”.
The lawyer said nothing more. As if he needed quiet and time to metabolize the shoemaker’s words, his gaze was distant, beyond the rain he seemed to watch without seeing. In a silent retrospective, he reviewed facts and attitudes, trying to understand how any situation always offers unexpected choices, different from those we grow accustomed to living with. Then he asked how to bring theory into practice. He asked the shoemaker to list simple situations in which authenticity is exercised. Loureiro warned him: “Simple doesn’t mean easy, but accessible to anyone with boldness, good sense, and self-love”. Then he listed a few possibilities: “Say yes or no according to your own conscience; small concessions can mean great setbacks; remember that this is your truth, an unnegotiable article. Establish well-defined boundaries in all your relationships; respect is neither asked for nor demanded, but imposed through firm, serene, and clear attitudes, without any need for harshness; strong and balanced people are gentle, ethical, and brave. Never forget that every situation is perfect for applying at least one virtue, which also serves, little by little, to weaken your own shadows. Do not run away from the challenges life offers nor abandon your dreams and gifts, for they are vital to evolution and authenticity. However, be careful not to confuse dreams, which are real projects, with fantasies, mere delusions driven by irresponsibility. Rework the route of existence as many times as needed so that you remain on the chosen path; if life and the world change, we too must modify our way of traveling in order to move forward”. He emptied his coffee cup and concluded: “For life to be worthwhile, it needs love, direction, movement, and flavour”.
Francis nodded. His eyes reverberated with the light of discovery and encounter. The achievements would depend on the next steps. He asked if the shoemaker had any very objective suggestion to help him begin this journey of transformation. Loureiro did not hesitate: “At the beginning of the conversation you said you needed only a small suitcase and a short note to leave. As for the small suitcase, no problem. But why a short note instead of an honest conversation with Cris? What is the difficulty in expressing your perspective and speaking about your preferences and needs? Why do you refuse to hear something you might not like? She also has a truth. Leaving like that, without a frank conversation, reveals inelegance, incoherence, and cowardice. As long as you cannot handle differences and contradictions, you will continue to be more of the same. You will remain far from the changes you long for. There is no freedom in escape. Fear poisons peace. Such behaviour runs contrary to someone who wishes to move through life driven by clear ideas and good feelings”. Then he finished: “Understand that authenticity will never be forged through disrespect for essence, truth, and virtues. Only genuine authenticity brings forth all the beauty of the unknown soul. Everything else is a spectacular performance by someone who doesn’t know what they want or where they’re going”.
The shoemaker’s final words had been harsh, but they were necessary. Francis needed to understand that the best movement requires not only understanding but also preparation. The lawyer closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He confessed he had much to think about before making any decision. Making a choice is always a significant movement; carrying it out is often even more so. Only one thing was certain: angular changes were essential. At that moment, the morning sun’s rays tore through the clouds to bring a break in the rain as a sign of change. Nothing had been left unsaid. Francis thanked him, gave the shoemaker a tight hug, and left.
Alone with Loureiro, I commented that his words were like the rigid walls of a chrysalis that the butterfly cannot break until its wings have matured. Confronting his wife was an important issue, but a consequence of another: confronting his own difficulties was the true challenge awaiting him. Only by overcoming himself would he be ready to fly. The craftsman of ideas and leather shrugged and said: “The most beautiful flights are not the highest or the farthest, but those that take us into the abyssal depths where we will find the original forge, the only one capable of shaping who we can truly become”. He was referring to our conscience.
Translated by: Cazmilian Zórdic
