“Everyone needs to find a good place to live within themselves. We have the power and the right to choose that place. Not infrequently, we let others put us where they believe we should stay. Most of the time, when this happens, we allow ourselves to live in very bad places. If we allow it, the fault is not theirs,” reflected the Elder, as we affectionately called the oldest monk of the Order. Enrico, the Italian monk, was extremely irritated. He felt that way because of the actions of his brother, Francesco. He claimed that his peace had been usurped. The good monk offered him another perspective: “Peace is an achievement, never a concession. Therefore, it never comes from the world. It sprouts in the heart. Not by the chance of changing winds or seasons, but by the tireless dedication of one who knows that only consciousness has the power to define the address of its own residence”.
That conversation had begun a few minutes earlier. The monastery was still asleep. I had woken up at dawn. I went to the canteen in search of a mug of coffee. As I entered, the aroma of fresh coffee revealed someone’s presence. I found the Elder seated at the table near the windows overlooking the mountains and the stars. I poured myself a mug, and shortly after sitting beside him, we heard an anxious ring at the bell. I went to the gate. Enrico had just arrived. He had driven from Genoa. His expression revealed the emotional turmoil that accompanied him. I led him into the presence of the good monk. That was when we learned the facts.
The story had begun twenty years earlier. Enrico was a young officer in the Italian Navy when, in command of a frigate, he prevented contemporary pirates from assaulting a cargo ship belonging to Zinedine, an important Greek shipowner. From this event arose a sincere friendship between the two. In one of their conversations, Enrico expressed the desire to change professions, although he never wanted to abandon navigation, his great passion. Since the Phoenicians, maritime trade had proven to be an excellent business. However, in that field, even to set up a small company, an investment was required that, at the time, as a military man, he could not afford. His friend promised to help. He would lease a small vessel to the Italian at cost price and, furthermore, transfer some contracts that no longer interested him due to their low cargo volume. With almost no money, but with enormous dedication, in addition to the invaluable help of Zinedine, the company established itself in the market and, little by little, increased the flow of transported goods.
With the company’s growth, he needed someone to take care of the financial and accounting side. That was when he invited Francesco, his brother, a graduate in business administration from the prestigious University of Rome, where he taught several subjects. With undeniable talent, not only for dealing with numbers but also for attracting new clients thanks to his remarkable social intelligence, Francesco proved to be a good choice. However, Enrico disregarded possible problems arising from his brother’s domineering personality. He believed that family ties would be sufficient to harmonize conflicts stemming from inevitable differences of purpose and temperament. At first, as the talents were complementary, the company climbed economic levels at a rapid pace. New ships and contracts arrived. From the Aegean, it went to the Mediterranean, and crossed Gibraltar to reach the Atlantic coast of Africa. To the east it went as far as the China Sea. They became a powerhouse in commercial maritime transport. To grow even more, they needed to open the company’s capital. Coordinated by Francesco, a board composed of the main shareholders gave opinions on new directions and businesses. Passionate about the sea and vessels, averse to numbers and meetings, Enrico devoted himself to the operational area. He spent his days in ports and on decks without major administrative concerns. He had complete trust in his brother. Aiming not only at greater profits but also at absolute control of the company, Francesco convinced the board that his brother, under the pretext of not neglecting safety, carried out excessive spending on ship maintenance, allowing a large part of the dividends to drain away. A dedicated sailor with an outdated business vision. With this sentence he closed the meeting in which he achieved the majority of votes that decided to remove Enrico from the board of the company created by Enrico himself. He would continue to receive an excellent salary, in addition to the dividends corresponding to the shares he owned. However, he would no longer exercise any managerial or operational function. In practice, a compulsory retirement. I feel as if they had amputated me, not a limb, but passion and pleasure, he confessed. He was inconsolable over what he considered a betrayal. Even more so because it had come from the one he least expected.
Enrico refused to accept the good monk’s arguments. He was far from the ships and the sea. Not by choice, but by Francesco’s machinations. He had not placed himself in that bitter place where he was, but had been pushed there. The Elder corrected his reasoning: “The good place I refer to is within you. Hatred and resentment have the power to make us live in horrible places. Remember, each one lives within himself”. Inconsolable, Enrico said he felt that way because of his brother’s fault. The good monk reflected: “Your brother’s behaviour belongs to him. The consequences as well”. The Italian monk disagreed. Although he had resorted to malice, Francesco was well. He had become the boss of the company. In return, it would fall to him to live in pajamas, he mocked himself. The Elder pointed out: “Do you realize that by not knowing how to react to adversities, you allow evil to destroy you. Not because someone practiced it, but because you accepted it as a guest in your home. There is no way to control the behaviour of others, but we have full power to decide how we will deal with any situation. This defines which feelings we will live with. Everything begins with the decision to prevent the evil practiced by someone from finding a place to live inside us”.
Those words made no sense to Enrico. His suffering had its cause in his brother’s malice, he repeated. He was irritated because the Elder refused to understand something of absurd obviousness. The good monk offered him another perspective: “Although evil is the responsibility of the sender, the feeling belongs to the recipient”. The Italian said he had not understood. The Elder explained: “No one has ever planted any feeling in anyone. The seed was always there. However, only the one we cultivate will germinate. Be it love or hatred. This defines the beauty or the decay of the place where we live”. Enrico said it was impossible not to feel anger in the face of malice, abuse, and betrayal. The good monk agreed with the Italian: “You are right. Within us there are all feelings. The good and the bad. Without exception”. Then he argued: “However, those who do not master their own emotions become slaves to them. Each one lives in the feelings he has chosen to inhabit”.
Enrico retorted that one does not uproot a feeling as one throws away an object or changes clothes. The Elder assented and argued: “No doubt. Internal movements have higher levels of difficulty. We find it easier to deal with the things of the world than with our own soul. Hence the strangeness in dealing with oneself”. He took a sip of coffee before continuing: “However, it is worth remembering, feelings are not like mushrooms that sprout after the rain. They are mental constructions”. The Italian monk asked him to explain better. The Elder was didactic: “Sometimes like a laboratory, sometimes like a factory, the mind processes all the information it has access to. Facts and news, studies and conditioning, concepts and prejudices, observations and beliefs interact in a continuous and incessant rhythm, sometimes lucid. At other times, chaotic. Each moment produces an understanding, equal to or different from the previous one, depending on the capacity for dynamism, harmony, and mental resilience. In turn, each understanding generates a type of feeling”. Then the Elder asked: “Have you ever changed the way you looked at something or someone?” Enrico replied that this had happened several times. The good monk continued: “By modifying the way you looked, did the feeling about that person or situation also change?” The Italian nodded yes. The Elder concluded: “If by changing understanding we manage to transform emotions, we verify the simple, yet powerful truth that feelings are nothing more than mental constructions. Depending on the interpretation, a different feeling will be built. Thus we produce the good or bad feelings that will serve as our dwelling”. Then he concluded his reasoning: “If sufferings result from bad feelings and if the mind creates them according to its degree of lucidity, the power to undo suffering is in our hands. Or rather, in our mind”.
The Italian monk asked whether his suffering stemmed from the chaotic way in which his mind processed all the information, experiences, and beliefs that inhabited it. The Elder was emphatic: “Exactly. To acquire greater perceptual capacity and sensitivity in thinking, climbing from chaos to lucidity, it is necessary to allow a greater participation of consciousness to cleanse the mind of the elements that pollute it and to refine the elaboration of reasoning through content that, little by little, has fewer vices and more virtues”. Enrico asked whether the mind and consciousness were not the same thing. The good monk clarified: “Not at all. Although it is a common mistake, they deal with different aspects of Being. The mind is the ego. Consciousness manifests the soul. The mind takes care of matters of the world; consciousness does as well. However, from another angle. While the ego has concerns inherent to survival, the soul prioritizes values of transcendence, only possible to realize through the survival experiences offered in the world. A necessary symbiosis. In short, we transcend in the exercise of relationships common to daily life after aligning both mind and consciousness under the same evolutionary purpose. A genuine existential challenge”.
The Elder continued: “A person with an exacerbated ego and a timid soul has their thinking influenced by the base interests of pride, vanity, greed, selfishness, and similar shadows. At the opposite extreme, with exalted consciousness and annulled mind, they will live in daydreams far removed from reality, wasting evolutionary experiences. Exact alignment between mind and consciousness is indispensable. As the ego matures, initiated after the understanding that the current way of comprehending reality produces an endless sequence of sufferings, out of the need for healing and liberation, it will seek in the soul different orientations to relearn how to think. This is the point of mutation from chaos to lucidity. Consciousness reorganizes the mind, altering interests, values, and priorities. Although it will never abandon material achievements, it will no longer allow them to be dissociated from and placed ahead of spiritual advances. With these new lenses and filters, it will be able to refine inconsistencies and resize the limits of truth. From dense to subtle, feelings change completely, redesigning reality, the place where each person moves in the world as a result of their own understanding of themselves and of life”.
Holding the mug with both hands, Enrico let his thoughts wander among the stars of a moonless night. After a few minutes without saying a word, the Italian monk wanted to know how to rid himself of the hatred that gnawed at him. The Elder replied promptly: “Forgive”. Enrico shook his head in denial and said that his brother was proud and satisfied with the scheme he had devised. He showed no signs of remorse. The good monk argued: “Francesco may take centuries to repent. Literally. Meanwhile, anger and resentment will destroy a little of you every day. Do not do this to yourself. Waiting for someone’s repentance is creating a painful bond with another’s availability. It is equivalent to handing your life over to someone who, at this moment, does not nurture affection or respect for you. Let him go so that you can free yourself”.
The Elder continued his arguments: “Forgiveness arises from the wisdom of preventing the evil practiced by another person from taking up residence within us. Forgiving is, above all, an act of self-love. Moreover, it does not mean that you are validating Francesco’s attitude. Forgiving is not absolving. Nor forgetting. Rather, it is disconnecting from evil and pain. To resign oneself is to accept the accomplished fact, knowing that nothing happens by chance. Life is pedagogical. All those involved in an experience, whatever it may be, have different lessons at their disposal. Understand the challenges that fall to you. There is much to do for yourself. As for your brother, he will face the setbacks befitting the situation he himself created. Nothing ends here or there. To each will be delivered according to their works. Never according to the meagre vengeful desires of the injured party, but in the measure of the evolutionary needs of the one who erred”.
The Italian monk asked how he could do this in practice. The Elder explained: “Life will become a school or a prison, depending on your reaction. If you remain still, drowned in resentments, waiting for a resolution from chance or making retributive moves, you will erect the walls that prevent evil from leaving. Thus emotional prisons arise. There is no worse place to live. By deciding to move forward, moving in favour of renewal and the unexpected, life will offer the appropriate mechanisms for overcoming and growth. The learning will be immeasurable”. He shrugged and concluded: “The choice is yours”.
The monastery was awakening. Little by little, the monks arrived for breakfast. Still impacted by the facts and the conversation, Enrico thanked them for the welcome and withdrew to take his suitcase to the room he would occupy during that period of studies. The days passed. I observed the Italian monk dedicated to the courses and lectures, although he participated little in the debates. As if an inner transformation were underway, he stayed alone during breaks, seated on the veranda with his gaze beyond the mountains. I noticed his presence at the meditation sessions, an important exercise to help consciousness emerge to the surface of the mind. Enrico’s intimate movement was clear and admirable, a secure way of sustaining and guiding the next actions in the world. Like life, forgiveness requires movement, both intrinsic and extrinsic, in order to blossom. At almost fifty years of age, he showed himself to be a devoted learner.
At the end of that learning cycle, the Italian monk sought us out. He said he had made a decision. His passion for the sea and for ships could not remain constrained by another person’s attitude. That decision belonged only to himself, and he was far from adopting it before. He would take advantage of the money and experience he had accumulated in recent years to set up a company specialized in ship maintenance and repairs. Thus, work and passion would remain aligned with his life. As for the former cargo transport company in Genoa, he would sell the shares he owned. In a single act, he would not only detach himself from the past but also increase the investment capacity necessary for the new venture. The Elder smiled in approval. By moving forward with life, Enrico carried out a clear and effective movement in favour of the maturation of forgiveness and personal regeneration. The Italian smiled back, pivoted on his heels, and departed.
A few years passed. At each study period, Enrico updated us with news of his new company. Installed at the Port of Gioia Tauro, the largest in southern Italy, located at a strategic point for commercial routes between Europe, Africa, and Asia, it received an ever-increasing flow of ships for maintenance and repair. This time, he did not transfer administration to the responsibility of third parties. Although advised, he remained at the forefront of the main decisions. He had acquired greater confidence in himself. It was not arrogance, but a power arising from self-knowledge and self-love, natural in those who accept the challenges inherent to overcoming. He had gained a sincere smile and a charming sweetness in his gaze. He had become a welcoming man, delicate in personal dealings.
In a recent study cycle, Enrico sent a message warning that he would be delayed a few days. When I informed the Elder of the fact, the good monk showed me the news that Francesco’s company had suffered a serious problem with one of its ships due to lack of maintenance. Precisely in the sector that had been the responsibility of the Italian monk, from which he had been removed at the time because of alleged excessive expenses. Since then, his brother had begun to economize on ship maintenance. After the serious incident, accused of negligence, Francesco was summarily removed from the company’s management in Genoa and, to top it off, became a defendant in civil and criminal proceedings. The shares plummeted on the stock exchange. Enrico took advantage of the downturn to acquire the controlling interest in the transport company, annexing it as a segment of his maintenance and repair firm. The latter became the owner of the former. Francesco would use his credibility and experience in the sector to rebuild the company that had once considered him unfit to work there. No one in the shipping market doubted that he would manage to overcome yet another challenge. Immediately, the shares began to rise.
Life is pedagogical, I recalled a phrase spoken by the Elder to the Italian monk on the dawn he arrived emotionally shattered at the monastery. The good monk reflected: “It is pedagogical only for those who are willing to find the good side of all situations and wish to discover the master hidden behind the difficulties. Otherwise, they will continue living at the addresses of hatred, fear, inertia, or guilt”. He made a gesture with his hand as if stating the obvious and added: “They are terrible places to live”. Then he commented: “Out of a need to find a good place to live, Enrico needed to detach himself from the past. After having made the exact movement in favour of his own evolution, life allowed him to reconcile with his history. And it was only allowed because he did not wish to take revenge on his brother. Life does not err nor is it unjust. Habitually lost and disoriented, it is we who insist on going against the truth, never offered on the surface of the gaze, but available in the depth of life”.
The Elder emphasized Enrico’s merit: “Despite the hard blow, he did not allow the behaviour of others to steal what he possessed most valuable: self-esteem, character, and the joy of living”. He paused before concluding: “All power lies in the mind. The great mistake is to believe that the mind deals only with ideas, being alien to emotions. Feelings reveal how the mind elaborates each experience. It is the internal reaction to the external stimulus. If the feeling is bad, the situation lacks better understanding. By mastering this process, Enrico found a good place to live within himself. Definitively”.
Translated by: Cazmilian Zórdic
